I've been sitting staring at this screen for half an hour, fingers poised over the keys. There's a lot I want to say - yet I can't.

I'm not all talked out yet. Although my entire day has been communication in various forms, I don't feel like I've finished today's quota. Communication greedy? Perhaps, yes. Sometimes. There are days where it's all surface fluff and I'm left feeling empty. There are deep days, yet at the end I'm never quite full. And there are some that simply feel complete - where everything that must be said, should be said, has been said and you can draw a line under the day.

A strange thought struck me earlier. I'd been reading a life story while standing in for our receptionist - a young Jewish man, the hell that was WW2 and after. How he carried on living for those who had died. How he pushed through because they couldn't. And how he wished there had been more time to say the important things - how he struggled to say their important things. Maybe that's coloured my day, my night. I started to wonder: if these were my last few hours here, would I have said it all? The things I've been too scared to, or have put off, or have bitten back? Would some of my friends, relatives, confidants simply never know what's really in my heart and mind? It's true - we often prefer to shut up rather than speak up, the moment passes, we never say what we really wanted to. Sometimes merely held back by fear.

If these were indeed my last hours, and I knew it, I'm not sure I could fit in all the things I want to express. I don't think I could adequately voice my thoughts, my feelings, before it was too late. So why do I store them away all the time? Why keep them behind a locked door of silence?

I don't know.

I do know I haven't said it all today. There's still stuff waiting in the queue, but it's not going to get its chance. There's things I want to hear too. Info and stories and voices. I can't draw that line at the bottom of the page, close the book and know I'm done. Mental loose ends. That's gonna keep me awake for a while...