Swimming upstream

While my many neighbours shouted at the rugby game and played Bles Bridges (oops) Ge Korsten this afternoon (we seem to have moved on from De La Rey today - and now I know why, thanks to my favourite Expert - 'tis the local team's scoring song..) the complex over, I - who have neither access to the channel showing the rugby, nor a particular urge to watch grown men cry - have been scheming and plotting, planning and delving into Olivia.

And thinking.

Again.

Sometimes I probably do way too much of it.

But anyhoo... moving along.

For the past .. let's say... 10 years, I've felt like I'm constantly swimming upstream. Making absolutely no headway yet struggling constantly in life. A lot of it has been financial, but it's not just that. It's been a "gesukkel" (struggle - though the Afrikaans just says it better) in nearly every aspect of life to make headway.

Until about 6 months ago. Perhaps I've grown up, or found direction, or just started to stand up for me. But little by little things are changing. Small steps every day toward a new strength and purpose that has me doing the scheming, plotting, planning and delving - and which, slowly but surely, is starting to show results.

Although there are days where I still feel like I'm getting absolutely nowhere, the truth is I'm getting somewhere - at last. It's still going to be a struggle to make it to the point I can see on the horizon, and I know I'll face a lot of pretty tough stuff too, but I'm getting there. Every small success spurs me on toward more, makes me more confident in who I am and what I can accomplish, helps me realize that there is an inner strength that's not going away - and that I have every chance of reaching my goals.

Swimming upstream may wear you out on occasion, but it also builds muscles, knowledge of how the stream flows, and wisdom to navigate the turns. Bit by bit I've been gathering these, bit by bit growing and learning, and now I'm starting to draw it all together and make things happen. Which is a very good thing. At last.

I know that the next year-and-beyond is going to be a proving ground for me. I'm determined that I'll come out the other end not only stronger and more sure of my place in the planet's flow, but much much closer to what I dream of. And what I dream of is so worth fighting for. Even if it means swimming against even harsher currents.

What doesn't kill you makes you strong.