Me

I think I've finally started to grow up! :-) I've realized I'm no longer willing to not be me - to spend my days attempting to impress people, or be something I'm not. Granted - we all want to be liked, and there are compromises and concessions to be made when relating to fellow humans. But not at the expense of our essence.

I'm not worried about putting on a face or conforming to what others expect me to be like anymore. I've got rough edges - I can be pretty intolerant of people who act like pigs. I'm shy - yet sometimes outspoken. I often put my foot in my mouth - but now and then have moments of brilliance that surprise even me! I've got a wickedly naughty streak that hardly ever gets let out to play, for fear of scaring people. I've got soft edges - a heart that wounds easily but quietly. I can't argue or fight well - I tend to shut up instead. I love a good laugh. I'm often to be found pondering things - figuring out where I fit in. But then tend to blend into the background - I'm not the life of the party (you'll find me in the kitchen instead). I have wobbly bits - but like to feel my muscles working hard. I'm competitive, but not in everything. I sometimes drool over good-looking men - not the type you'd see in magazines, just ones with a special something that shows up in who they are. I can talk the biggest load of rot (see "Blog"), yet have a brain that likes to know everything about everything, at least a little. I sometimes cry. I wear contact lenses. I like to be kissed (but it's been... well, about 10 years! perhaps I've forgotten what it's like). I like computers, gadgets, cool stuff that requires batteries or a power source - but can live without them if I'm outdoors and interacting with the earth. I've driven a train from Pretoria to Joburg. I sometimes say too much - I sometimes say too little. I hardly ever fall in love - but when I do, it runs deep. I sometimes think I suck as a parent, but the kid's still alive and seems to be doing OK. I get itchy feet, a lust for adventure - yet have worn quite a rut with my daily routines. I read in the bath. I notice birds and dogs (and end up taking strays home, albiet briefly - see "Walk"... ). I like to drive. I sometimes think I'm horribly ugly (see "Morning") - other times probably more beautiful than I really am. I hate my teeth - I like my eyes. I'm good with kids, but take a while to warm up to adults face to face. I'm too old to play games, to play hard to get. I sometimes feel like I'm still a teen. I take pride in accomplishing things, especially outside the realm of stuff girls would normally do (see "Olivia"). I once went skinny-dipping with sharks (unknowingly). I'm sometimes confused and uncertain. I love the smell of rain, the feel of sunshine, the sound of early-morning silence and dusk quietening down. I can be a bitch, but not often. Some people underestimate me - others overestimate me. I'm lazy - therefore I'm organized! :-) I sometimes just want to be held (see "Hormones"). I've got wrinkles around my eyes, and greys taking over from blonde. I've got freckles. I'm starting to look like my mother...

And yet the Real Me runs even deeper than this. To places very few people see or even know about. I've got layers, like an onion, like an Ogre.. :-) Only a handful have dug deep enough to find some of them, have taken the time it requires to open me up. Yet I don't hide on purpose. I am who I am - simple and complex. Lately that's enough. I won't put on a show or display who I'm not.

So here's me - warts (well, only one wart - right hand, middle finger, knuckle) and all. Take it or leave it! :-)

0 comments: