Priorities

I'm 35. No spring chicken (in fact, nearly 36!). I'm at a stage in life where I know who I am, my goals and values are sorted out in my head, I know what I will and won't stand for, and am securely happy in the woman I have become (with occasional forays into small insecurities until I can hit myself over the head and get over them). I'm not in early-20's dither mode. I'm not in "still finding my feet" mode either. I've formed my opinions, developed my world and life view, and am no longer afraid of stepping out of the sheep-herd to forge my own way.

Because of where I am, I am often cynically amazed at society, at the unquestioned way in which some things work. Bemusedly seeing things from a completely different angle. I view everything from religion to work to education with a slightly raised eyebrow - but keep my mouth shut in most cases. :-)

I'm unwilling to settle for second-best, unwilling to put myself aside constantly in order to elevate the status of others, unwilling to accept the "but some are more equal than others" theory.

As such, I regularly end up in journey-evaluation mode, pitting my beliefs and opinions against where I'm at and where I want to be. My soul grates when I find I'm doing or experiencing things that go against the course my heart knows.

In the past few weeks I've done a lot of thinking. I've sat and observed patterns and behaviours. I've weighed up the good and the bad. I've plotted and planned and imagined and dreamed. I've pitted my passions against how I fill my hours each day. I've compared my comfort zones to my challenges, where I excel and where I fail, what I'm happy with and what I'm not.

A lot can be read into this post (and probably will - correctly or incorrectly), but it all boils down to this:

How much am I willing to put up with in order to cover the rent?