Hits the Fan

Mere days into the new year and already the K&D has started.

I'm back at work, stressed out within minutes (for nearly no reason), back to old habits it seems. But it's not just that. There's so much that seems to be slipping out of control, all round. Those good ideas you have, the resolutions and determination to change things, the thought that things will be better come 2008? - sometimes outside influence beyond your control simply sweeps it away like beachsand in the south-easter.

I hate to start a new year with a sense of dread instead of hope. I'm trying not to let the seemingly-insurmountable drag me down, I'm trying to find ways forward for all of us, yet it's like running in treacle. Simply not enough momentum before the next thing hits you broadside.

Like a notice just received that my rent's going up by double the inflation rate soon... But hey, I guess these things happen. I just wish it wasn't piled on top of increases in food, petrol/diesel (yet one must commute to be paid), electricity - and no real salary jump (not enough to cover the rent increase, at least).

There are moments where I wonder how we'll survive things like this. Where I feel weighed down, no way out. Those random panic attacks strike when you least need them, that leave you shaken and scared. The ones that try to convince you you'll never achieve your dreams, that you'll be stuck stomping out fires on the very edge of disaster forever.

And yet...

There is always hope. There is always a path out - as obscured as it seems at times. And if you let it, there's a chance to gain strength, courage and determination to battle down the rising forces that threaten to overwhelm you. A gentle voice that reminds you of love, of bliss, of the important things in life.

I don't yet know how to face some of the challenges of 2008. I have no clue how to overcome some of those mountains. Yet I'm holding fast to the hope with all I have. Revelling in joy and beauty. The company of those I love. Knowledge that the future is a good one.

It may not solve the immediate challenges, but it's the deep breath I need to tackle them head-on. And (being a practical chick) I'm handling one thing at a time.

I've concluded that right now I simply need to put in a whole lot more effort - whatever it takes. Quit chucking the incomplete to-do list each day (get organized, work harder, ask for help), quit the mental-holiday day-dream time-wasters (use any spare moment productively), quit adding things to my Reader and doing non-essential tasks (time-wasters!), quit putting off implementation of ideas & plans... and just do it.

Immediate sacrifice for long-term pleasure - complete focus now for success in the future. That's all there is to it.