It's incredibly easy to fall into the pattern of leaving home as the sun appears (or well before sunrise in winter), working hard multi-tasking all day, arriving back at dusk, and diving right into the next round of work - deciding that 4am will be your cut-off time to finish what you're doing as the rest of the world slumbers. Sleeping 2 hours, doing it all over again. Even on weekends.
Eish.
But I've realized that there really is only so much of this you can do before you reach the point of either physical collapse or simple mental exhaustion. And why it's essential to take some time out now and then. And why you can't live on coffee and snatched snacks where you can find them.
And why I miss crafting long, lazy meals to savour... and why I miss having a garden to potter around in (sorting out one for my grandpa on his farm featured strongly in dreams last night).
But once you're in the rut it's hard to shift gears and force the break, even for a few hours. You end up twiddling your thumbs, thinking you should be working on something, with your headspace far from relaxed - just planning the next task.
And yes, you end up looking like crap - avoiding the mirror as much as possible so you can't see what a hag you've become. :-)
I've always prided myself on living a balanced life. But I admit I've gone into over-balance many times in the last few months, letting myself go way, way further than I know I should, than I think I can - simply because I have to. And because I'm enjoying what I'm doing. And because there's a goal to work toward - I'm putting in max effort to get there, doing whatever it takes.
Running on adrenalin, cool schemes/plans and caffeine is quite the high, I'll tell you. But even better is when you see it all starting to pay off, when you know that one of these days you may just get to play a little too...
If you can remember how! :-)
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