As mentioned in my letter to the ants, I'll be away from the computer until Monday. Blessings to all, and feel free to leave a message (provided Haloscan is actually working....).
Blessings to all who stop here!
"Spirited" Activity?
Here's the deal:
FIRST check out this - have a good look.
THEN check out this - a photo taken by me on Christmas day in 1997. What do you think? Same thing? :)
Now, I'm not a believer in things that go bump in the night (as commonly understood), and this is the first photo in the very many that I've taken where something like this has shown up. But there's no logical explaination for it - there was nothing in the way of the lens at all! Strapless aim-and-shoot camera, hair tied back, fingers out of the way etc.
I've had fun freaking out certain female collegues with the pic - but I'm the Ultimate Sceptic. Have sent it for a laugh to the ghostsbusters web guy to see what he says.
So what do YOU think???
FIRST check out this - have a good look.
THEN check out this - a photo taken by me on Christmas day in 1997. What do you think? Same thing? :)
Now, I'm not a believer in things that go bump in the night (as commonly understood), and this is the first photo in the very many that I've taken where something like this has shown up. But there's no logical explaination for it - there was nothing in the way of the lens at all! Strapless aim-and-shoot camera, hair tied back, fingers out of the way etc.
I've had fun freaking out certain female collegues with the pic - but I'm the Ultimate Sceptic. Have sent it for a laugh to the ghostsbusters web guy to see what he says.
So what do YOU think???
Open letter to Ants
Dear Ants
As I will be taking a work-break, you have this afternoon, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday to over-run my office. Please feel free to explore the drawers, the plants, the telephone, the computer screen, the floor, the chair and the keyboard to your heart's content.
But know that I will be back on Monday morning, and I come bearing a can of Dy-Ant. No, this is not to change your colour - this is Dy as in DIE.
Prepare to meet your Maker.
As I will be taking a work-break, you have this afternoon, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday to over-run my office. Please feel free to explore the drawers, the plants, the telephone, the computer screen, the floor, the chair and the keyboard to your heart's content.
But know that I will be back on Monday morning, and I come bearing a can of Dy-Ant. No, this is not to change your colour - this is Dy as in DIE.
Prepare to meet your Maker.
Seeking the Kingdom
I feel like I'm drawing a complete mental blank these days. So much so that, as I ponder my way through the Gospels, I honestly can't seem to process what the "Good News" is, what the "Kingdom of God" ACTUALLY means here and now, practically in my life, what we're supposed to be telling everyone is at hand. I've been looking for it, and can't find it. Can't find the words that describe it. Just find it mentioned over and over. Dumb blonde? Yup, it seems.
Anyone care to enlighten me as to your thoughts on either the Good News or the Kingdom of God? What is it precisely and what should it be in our lives today? (bearing in mind that my comments section is limited to 1000 characters! :) )
(For those of you who think I've lost it completely, you're probably right. Blame it on serious lack of sleep, lack of chocolate, lack of holiday, dehydration, whatever.)
Anyone care to enlighten me as to your thoughts on either the Good News or the Kingdom of God? What is it precisely and what should it be in our lives today? (bearing in mind that my comments section is limited to 1000 characters! :) )
(For those of you who think I've lost it completely, you're probably right. Blame it on serious lack of sleep, lack of chocolate, lack of holiday, dehydration, whatever.)
Invasion of The Ants
What's with these creatures? Don't they know there's PLENTY of food/water/whatever they're seeking OUTSIDE my office window, conveniently open at the moment? Why do they have to take over the desk, the chili plants, the floor? What on earth do I have in here that they can't get outside??? They're random-wandering, "just looking", window-shopping. No set pattern, it's every ant for itself. And as much as I believe every creature has a right to it's own little bit of living, the temptation to squash one as it passes is pretty hard to resist...
Being Church to Family
There's one aspect of Being Church that I'm completely struggling with - and that's my relationship with my mother.
Years and years ago, when I was around 19 or so, she did something that made me lose trust in her. It was probably a mistake on her part, but from that time on I just can't seem to get along with her. Sure, we're nice and polite, we say all the right stuff and perhaps I even put on an act that convinces her all is OK - but I've built a huge wall that keeps her out. I don't tell her what I'm thinking, I don't tell her how I'm feeling. She's sometimes surprised by what I have to say. I have a hard time keeping from sounding harsh in person and via email/MSN.
A few years ago I emailed her, telling her it was time for us to try again, to be closer. After a whole week I got an email back from her - with nothing to say regarding what I'd said, just a report of a women's retreat she'd gone on. No acknowledgement that we had a problem, or my offer to solve it. I know she didn't mean it that way (I hope) but I felt I'd been slapped in the face. The wall went up again, thicker than ever.
When she was diagnosed with breast cancer and was in danger of dying, I was worried, but felt nothing deeper. It was like she had flu or something, not like I could lose my mother forever. I didn't give her the support she needed as she went through a mastectomy, radiation, chemo, recovery. I could have done a lot more as her only daughter, but I didn't.
I find myself getting irritated with her, and with myself when I see personality traits she has coming out in me.
Deep, deep down, I know I can never truly Be Church until I get over this, until I forgive past wrongs and get over my issues, until I grit my teeth and try change my attitude.
It bugs me, it really does. I hate that I feel so "high and mighty", so superior, so nasty. It's not who I want to be. I just can't seem to help myself.
I really don't know where to start to get this right. It may already have been too long, gone too far. Just don't know. But until I get over this I can't honestly say I'm living as God would have me live, being who He wants me to be.
And that's very, very hard to think about.
Years and years ago, when I was around 19 or so, she did something that made me lose trust in her. It was probably a mistake on her part, but from that time on I just can't seem to get along with her. Sure, we're nice and polite, we say all the right stuff and perhaps I even put on an act that convinces her all is OK - but I've built a huge wall that keeps her out. I don't tell her what I'm thinking, I don't tell her how I'm feeling. She's sometimes surprised by what I have to say. I have a hard time keeping from sounding harsh in person and via email/MSN.
A few years ago I emailed her, telling her it was time for us to try again, to be closer. After a whole week I got an email back from her - with nothing to say regarding what I'd said, just a report of a women's retreat she'd gone on. No acknowledgement that we had a problem, or my offer to solve it. I know she didn't mean it that way (I hope) but I felt I'd been slapped in the face. The wall went up again, thicker than ever.
When she was diagnosed with breast cancer and was in danger of dying, I was worried, but felt nothing deeper. It was like she had flu or something, not like I could lose my mother forever. I didn't give her the support she needed as she went through a mastectomy, radiation, chemo, recovery. I could have done a lot more as her only daughter, but I didn't.
I find myself getting irritated with her, and with myself when I see personality traits she has coming out in me.
Deep, deep down, I know I can never truly Be Church until I get over this, until I forgive past wrongs and get over my issues, until I grit my teeth and try change my attitude.
It bugs me, it really does. I hate that I feel so "high and mighty", so superior, so nasty. It's not who I want to be. I just can't seem to help myself.
I really don't know where to start to get this right. It may already have been too long, gone too far. Just don't know. But until I get over this I can't honestly say I'm living as God would have me live, being who He wants me to be.
And that's very, very hard to think about.
Gospel in a Picture
I just received this by email - and I really don't know if it's copyrighted or not, but it's too incredible not to share. Look closely - the deeper you look, the more there is to see!
The Hot Stuff
Seems I've missed out on a Gigantic Hot Potato this weekend. Having fun just catching up with all the stuff flying around BlogWorld in the aftermath. Much food for thought!
Time with God
It's been a weekend of rush and sit still - worship workshops that took an entire day, then a day that was completely empty of everything. And in these two days I found God in places I wasn't expecting Him.
I found Him in conversation with a friend at the worship workshop, a friend who cares more than I deserve and who is willing to set aside a large portion of her valuable time to just be with me and talk.
I found God in my son, who, as he lay in bed last night, said "I think we should actually have gone to church tonight instead of bunking - I feel like there's something missing". Out of the mouths of babes...
I found God in an unexpectedly long prayer time as I lay in bed and prayed for my neighbours one by one - and then my blogger friends - and then my workplace and colleagues - and..... It was in shifting my focus off myself onto others that God came near.
I found God in the evening news, in a story of an old man who has been serving the needy around him since he was seven. As he put it, "You can't live your life immersed in your own problems. Life should be spent immersed in helping others." Yes and amen!
I found God in the first sunbeams this morning, in calm after a weekend of gale-force winds - peace in the storm.
And I come out of the weekend refreshed and refocused.
I found Him in conversation with a friend at the worship workshop, a friend who cares more than I deserve and who is willing to set aside a large portion of her valuable time to just be with me and talk.
I found God in my son, who, as he lay in bed last night, said "I think we should actually have gone to church tonight instead of bunking - I feel like there's something missing". Out of the mouths of babes...
I found God in an unexpectedly long prayer time as I lay in bed and prayed for my neighbours one by one - and then my blogger friends - and then my workplace and colleagues - and..... It was in shifting my focus off myself onto others that God came near.
I found God in the evening news, in a story of an old man who has been serving the needy around him since he was seven. As he put it, "You can't live your life immersed in your own problems. Life should be spent immersed in helping others." Yes and amen!
I found God in the first sunbeams this morning, in calm after a weekend of gale-force winds - peace in the storm.
And I come out of the weekend refreshed and refocused.
Hobbit Dreams
I'm sure I'm not the only one in the world who dreams of being a Hobbit (instead of an Overweight Hill-Troll....).
My son and I are mid-way through Chapter II of LOTR, going a few pages each night. And as I read, something inside me cries out for the rural, "peaceful" (yeah, they squabble, but who doesn't), natural way of living of the Hobbits. I would love to live the way they do - enencumbered with machines and technology, enjoying their food and drink, working the earth, creating all they need to survive, being totally engaged in living.
As I sit in my office this morning I wonder if I'll ever be able to fulfil my dream of a back-to-the-land type existance. What would it take for me? How would I make it happen?
Sure, I have an extensive veggie garden on my tiny bit of land - even dug up a bit of lawn to plant tomatoes and marrows, which we're being overwhelmed with at present. I get a bit of digging and cutting and harvesting and pottering in every day - first thing in the morning and right ater work for half an hour. But it doesn't feel enough for me. I truly am happiest outdoors, growing stuff and enjoying little things like the rat that eats our leftovers under cover of the ferns. (Yes, we have a "pet"/wild rat who we feed and keep an eye on - we figure if we feed him enough outside he won't need to come looking inside, which has worked so far). I love hard physical work that produces visible results (no gym for me, thanks!). I really enjoy making what I need - from baking the most delicious bread to hammering a table together or building a brick braai (barbecue to you outlanders).
I'd love for my son to be actively involved in farm-style living - and he would to, while he's still young enough. We both have such a love and appreciation for nature. We notice little things and wonder over them, when others couldn't be bothered.
I wonder if, in the mists of the future, I'll get to live my dream, or if it will only happen when I get my own planet in heaven....
My son and I are mid-way through Chapter II of LOTR, going a few pages each night. And as I read, something inside me cries out for the rural, "peaceful" (yeah, they squabble, but who doesn't), natural way of living of the Hobbits. I would love to live the way they do - enencumbered with machines and technology, enjoying their food and drink, working the earth, creating all they need to survive, being totally engaged in living.
As I sit in my office this morning I wonder if I'll ever be able to fulfil my dream of a back-to-the-land type existance. What would it take for me? How would I make it happen?
Sure, I have an extensive veggie garden on my tiny bit of land - even dug up a bit of lawn to plant tomatoes and marrows, which we're being overwhelmed with at present. I get a bit of digging and cutting and harvesting and pottering in every day - first thing in the morning and right ater work for half an hour. But it doesn't feel enough for me. I truly am happiest outdoors, growing stuff and enjoying little things like the rat that eats our leftovers under cover of the ferns. (Yes, we have a "pet"/wild rat who we feed and keep an eye on - we figure if we feed him enough outside he won't need to come looking inside, which has worked so far). I love hard physical work that produces visible results (no gym for me, thanks!). I really enjoy making what I need - from baking the most delicious bread to hammering a table together or building a brick braai (barbecue to you outlanders).
I'd love for my son to be actively involved in farm-style living - and he would to, while he's still young enough. We both have such a love and appreciation for nature. We notice little things and wonder over them, when others couldn't be bothered.
I wonder if, in the mists of the future, I'll get to live my dream, or if it will only happen when I get my own planet in heaven....
Back in Time
(Very little going on in the here and now, but was just thinking back and thought I'd write about how I got where I am. Not interested? Ah well, will blog it anyway.... read at your own peril - this is the short version! :) )
It all started with a Hillsong CD. I'd never heard of Hillsong before, but on a whim bought a special "the last 10 years" Millenium CD. At first it seemed rather wild, me being brought up in a conservative organ-only church. But at the same time it spoke to me of more than I'd considered, of a deeper relationship with God, of fresh thoughts, and an enthusiasm for worship I had never heard before.
Soon after, I found out there was a church in the area that could give Hillsong a run for their money, and decided to go check it out. First time I'd attended anything other than my denomination in my life! That first visit blew my mind. I came back with more questions than answers, saying "our church has a lot to answer for"... Perhaps not the right thing to do, especially when talking to the mega-conservatives high up in church authority.
Well, I started asking questions anyway, went back to the happy-jumpy church quite a few times and started experiencing quite a change. I found a passion for worship, a passion for God that meant I couldn't wait to get to my church and be in His presence - even if the lack of life there grated on my soul every week. Hey, I was there to worship, in spite of those around me! I got involved in what were potentially very-positive worship changes, started a worship team, started kid's church, got multimedia and fresh ideas flowing - and got blacklisted by the pastor and head elder. I think my enthusiasm scared them - I was no longer one of the docile unemotional flock who would sleep through the sermon.
After a rather scary "spirit" experience at the happy-jumpy church, I stopped attending, but continued to work with my church to grow and change, as much as the Church Board would allow...!
But there came a time when that was no longer enough. When I'd had my fill of being put down, when I tired of trying to keep a fire burning while the authorities chucked as much water as it as they could. I got frustration headaches every week at church. Even kid's church drove me nuts - the kids were so ingrained in a certain way of doing things that they simply couldn't respond to the new, deeper, more God-REAL church stuff I was trying to give them. They went through the same motions their parents did at church.
The time came where I had to leave, for my own sake. I was being spiritually killed off by the church - as horrible as that sounds. I took a total church break. But I was at a loss as to where to from there. So I asked God to take me where He wanted me - and got a big surprise where I ended up!
My son & I found ourselves at a vibrant, real, relaxed and God-full youth service and didn't miss a week for nearly a year. Once they found out I had a bit of musical skill, I was drafted onto the worship team (it's been a year and a half already with the team!) and "almost" integrated into their group - but not quite. I never quite fit in. And it didn't help that my heart was already on another searching journey!
I ran across the alt.worship and emerging church scene quite by accident. Mind-blowing! The deeper I dug, the more I learned, the further I sought. And then blogging - well, what can I say. I found Darren's blog while on a random Google search - the first blog I'd ever seen. After a few emails back and forth, he urged/helped me to get going. It's opened up such a new world of friends, ideas, links, concepts. I've found spiritual-soul-mate thinkers, and those that have challenged what I think.
And yet I still feel this is just the first signpost on a very long spiritual journey for me. I feel I haven't even really started yet. I've only got a toe in the pool.
At times, like recently, I feel I've slipped back way past the beginning, but then there's all this learning, knowledge and stuff stored in my head that tells me there's a lot more to come, and I'm not at the start again. My mom's convinced God's got some Big Plan for me in the future to serve Him. I hope she's right. I can't see it, but I can't go back either. I've changed, in a lot of ways.
So here I am, pondering the next rise in the road, wondering what's lying undiscovered over the hill before me. A few more rocks in my path? I'm sure there will be. A view of what's ahead? Maybe - but if not, I am convinced this is the path God's laid before my feet. Even if its destination is shrouded in fog, I need to follow.
All I ask of Him is strength, courage, and a hint of His presence so I know He's still there. Onward and upward!
It all started with a Hillsong CD. I'd never heard of Hillsong before, but on a whim bought a special "the last 10 years" Millenium CD. At first it seemed rather wild, me being brought up in a conservative organ-only church. But at the same time it spoke to me of more than I'd considered, of a deeper relationship with God, of fresh thoughts, and an enthusiasm for worship I had never heard before.
Soon after, I found out there was a church in the area that could give Hillsong a run for their money, and decided to go check it out. First time I'd attended anything other than my denomination in my life! That first visit blew my mind. I came back with more questions than answers, saying "our church has a lot to answer for"... Perhaps not the right thing to do, especially when talking to the mega-conservatives high up in church authority.
Well, I started asking questions anyway, went back to the happy-jumpy church quite a few times and started experiencing quite a change. I found a passion for worship, a passion for God that meant I couldn't wait to get to my church and be in His presence - even if the lack of life there grated on my soul every week. Hey, I was there to worship, in spite of those around me! I got involved in what were potentially very-positive worship changes, started a worship team, started kid's church, got multimedia and fresh ideas flowing - and got blacklisted by the pastor and head elder. I think my enthusiasm scared them - I was no longer one of the docile unemotional flock who would sleep through the sermon.
After a rather scary "spirit" experience at the happy-jumpy church, I stopped attending, but continued to work with my church to grow and change, as much as the Church Board would allow...!
But there came a time when that was no longer enough. When I'd had my fill of being put down, when I tired of trying to keep a fire burning while the authorities chucked as much water as it as they could. I got frustration headaches every week at church. Even kid's church drove me nuts - the kids were so ingrained in a certain way of doing things that they simply couldn't respond to the new, deeper, more God-REAL church stuff I was trying to give them. They went through the same motions their parents did at church.
The time came where I had to leave, for my own sake. I was being spiritually killed off by the church - as horrible as that sounds. I took a total church break. But I was at a loss as to where to from there. So I asked God to take me where He wanted me - and got a big surprise where I ended up!
My son & I found ourselves at a vibrant, real, relaxed and God-full youth service and didn't miss a week for nearly a year. Once they found out I had a bit of musical skill, I was drafted onto the worship team (it's been a year and a half already with the team!) and "almost" integrated into their group - but not quite. I never quite fit in. And it didn't help that my heart was already on another searching journey!
I ran across the alt.worship and emerging church scene quite by accident. Mind-blowing! The deeper I dug, the more I learned, the further I sought. And then blogging - well, what can I say. I found Darren's blog while on a random Google search - the first blog I'd ever seen. After a few emails back and forth, he urged/helped me to get going. It's opened up such a new world of friends, ideas, links, concepts. I've found spiritual-soul-mate thinkers, and those that have challenged what I think.
And yet I still feel this is just the first signpost on a very long spiritual journey for me. I feel I haven't even really started yet. I've only got a toe in the pool.
At times, like recently, I feel I've slipped back way past the beginning, but then there's all this learning, knowledge and stuff stored in my head that tells me there's a lot more to come, and I'm not at the start again. My mom's convinced God's got some Big Plan for me in the future to serve Him. I hope she's right. I can't see it, but I can't go back either. I've changed, in a lot of ways.
So here I am, pondering the next rise in the road, wondering what's lying undiscovered over the hill before me. A few more rocks in my path? I'm sure there will be. A view of what's ahead? Maybe - but if not, I am convinced this is the path God's laid before my feet. Even if its destination is shrouded in fog, I need to follow.
All I ask of Him is strength, courage, and a hint of His presence so I know He's still there. Onward and upward!
Living in a Bubble
It's strange to feel you're living your life in a bubble. Like you're more a spectator than a participant.
I'm not sure what makes it so. It might be longings to be somewhere else, doing something else. It might be disconnection related to that hollow feeling I've been experiencing.
I just can't seem to get into living life fully lately. I can't seem to connect with anything or anyone. I think I might be a little emotionally and physically worn out with all the stuff going on in my life, or not going on. Or maybe I'm not getting enough nutrition to keep the body in best health.
It almost seems as if the world outside my head is going by behind a glass wall; sounds are muted, voices disjointed, events irrelevant. It's a very strange feeling.
How to get out of this bubble? I don't honestly know. Perhaps I'm losing it and need a few years in a padded room? Or just a holiday, a change of scene, a little positive direction to open up the road ahead.
In the meantime I'm just gonna sit in my bubble, hum quietly to myself and watch the world pass by.
I'm not sure what makes it so. It might be longings to be somewhere else, doing something else. It might be disconnection related to that hollow feeling I've been experiencing.
I just can't seem to get into living life fully lately. I can't seem to connect with anything or anyone. I think I might be a little emotionally and physically worn out with all the stuff going on in my life, or not going on. Or maybe I'm not getting enough nutrition to keep the body in best health.
It almost seems as if the world outside my head is going by behind a glass wall; sounds are muted, voices disjointed, events irrelevant. It's a very strange feeling.
How to get out of this bubble? I don't honestly know. Perhaps I'm losing it and need a few years in a padded room? Or just a holiday, a change of scene, a little positive direction to open up the road ahead.
In the meantime I'm just gonna sit in my bubble, hum quietly to myself and watch the world pass by.
It never lies
From the Middle Earth Name Generator:
According to the Red Book of Westmarch, in Middle-earth, Michelle Bainbridge was a Overweight Hill-troll.
Oh dear - confirms what the scale said yesterday.... :)
Fortunately it gets better:
Elven Name Possibilities
The root name suitable for feminine and masculine is: Vanamorgûl
More feminine versions are: Vanamorgûliel, Vanamorgûlien, Vanamorgûlwen
Hobbit lass name: Ruby Green from Combe
Dwarven Name: Lóin Redhand (This name is for both genders)
Orkish Name: Wazkrísh the Bad-Moon (This name is for both genders)
Adûnaic name: Lubimohêr
According to the Red Book of Westmarch, in Middle-earth, Michelle Bainbridge was a Overweight Hill-troll.
Oh dear - confirms what the scale said yesterday.... :)
Fortunately it gets better:
Elven Name Possibilities
The root name suitable for feminine and masculine is: Vanamorgûl
More feminine versions are: Vanamorgûliel, Vanamorgûlien, Vanamorgûlwen
Hobbit lass name: Ruby Green from Combe
Dwarven Name: Lóin Redhand (This name is for both genders)
Orkish Name: Wazkrísh the Bad-Moon (This name is for both genders)
Adûnaic name: Lubimohêr
Hmmm.....
You know you could be in trouble when:
a) You wake up on Valentine's day dreaming about a guy 10 years younger than you.
b) You wake up the day after Valentine's day dreaming about another guy you thought you got over a year ago, but who featered prominently in your thoughts for the previous seven years.
c) You start to think perhaps it wouldn't be so bad to not be single anymore and start entertaining thoughts of how nice it would be to be held, cuddled and missed when you're not around - and then realize there's a less than scant chance of changing where you're at.
Oh well, it was a nice dream/s while it lasted! And now, back to reality. :)
a) You wake up on Valentine's day dreaming about a guy 10 years younger than you.
b) You wake up the day after Valentine's day dreaming about another guy you thought you got over a year ago, but who featered prominently in your thoughts for the previous seven years.
c) You start to think perhaps it wouldn't be so bad to not be single anymore and start entertaining thoughts of how nice it would be to be held, cuddled and missed when you're not around - and then realize there's a less than scant chance of changing where you're at.
Oh well, it was a nice dream/s while it lasted! And now, back to reality. :)
Silence
Both my inside and my blog are empty and silent. One day taken off on sick-leave, and still recovering. Something of note may be posted when the silence leaves - if not, something of no-note will be posted soon.
Witnessing or Harassing?
I guess you could consider this Part II of my thoughts on Emerging Church. (Part one is here)
I was recently pretty upset at what happened on our campus. We had a guest from the high powers of the denomination here, and he took our staff worship one morning. He shared how important it is to love people, which is a good sentiment, but then went on to illustrate it with two experiences he'd had that morning.
Part of the campus consists of the lower reaches of a mountain, covered in pine and gum forest. Many community members come to walk the slopes with their dogs or friends on a regular basis, parking in a cleared area at the start of the trail. Well, this dear gentleman was walking by and spotted someone sitting in their car, having just enjoyed the fresh air and early-morning sunshine of God's creation. He promptly marched right up and started "witnessing" - no intro needed, thank you very much. I don't think he bothered to find out whether the chap believed first or not, just forged ahead on a mission to "convert" him to his particular denominational point of view.
Previously he'd gotten hold of one of our students, who has faithfully attended church and all the religious goings-on here on campus while studying, participating and enjoying it. Our dear gentleman again made a rush at the surprised student, wanting to know when he was going to "come over to the truth and be baptized".
Well, at this point of his talk it was all I could do not to walk out. (I'm finding more and more I'm the odd one out among the group on campus, not your average ANYTHING anymore...). Sure, this may be the generally-accepted way some folk have of "witnessing", but it just doesn't cut it for me. What right do I have to march up to someone and try convince them that my point of view is The Truth and whatever they believe is wrong? Do I have the right to assume they're not "saved"? Can I assume ownership over their walk with the Lord?
And what about my worship team's "outreach" plans? They're built along traditional church thinking of bringing people in with a good programme, polished performance - hooking them and then hoping they'll stay. "If we have enough programmes, add more of this or that, bring in a few famous speakers, we can get the membership way up!"
Nope, I don't think that's the way to go about it. Big Tent or Bull-in-a-China-Shop evangelism doesn't cut it anymore.
Which brings me to the Emerging Church part of this long speech.
What I see happening in EC is relationship-building as witness, as "conversion" if you will. You don't just march up to someone and try persuade them of anything. You sit with them, get to know them, spend time with them. Perhaps you won't have to say a word - your life as witness will be sufficient (provided your life actually IS a witness!!!). But if you do speak, it will be with a background of knowing WHO you're talking to, tailoring what you say to that particular person's needs and understanding. You're not dashing in where you may not be wanted or needed.
Of course if you witness like this, you are accountable for who you are, what you are, what you say and do, and how you do it. And that's more than just a well-prepared speech with a list of convincing points. It's witnessing to yourself as well as others, and a constant self-checking needed to see that your words and actions line up.
And that's where I think the EC has it right. Sounds pretty underground, as does much of the EC, but it works, it's effective - because it's REAL.
(NOTE: I don't doubt that many folk in non-EC situations do this too, but I really wish more would. I don't know many who do...)
I was recently pretty upset at what happened on our campus. We had a guest from the high powers of the denomination here, and he took our staff worship one morning. He shared how important it is to love people, which is a good sentiment, but then went on to illustrate it with two experiences he'd had that morning.
Part of the campus consists of the lower reaches of a mountain, covered in pine and gum forest. Many community members come to walk the slopes with their dogs or friends on a regular basis, parking in a cleared area at the start of the trail. Well, this dear gentleman was walking by and spotted someone sitting in their car, having just enjoyed the fresh air and early-morning sunshine of God's creation. He promptly marched right up and started "witnessing" - no intro needed, thank you very much. I don't think he bothered to find out whether the chap believed first or not, just forged ahead on a mission to "convert" him to his particular denominational point of view.
Previously he'd gotten hold of one of our students, who has faithfully attended church and all the religious goings-on here on campus while studying, participating and enjoying it. Our dear gentleman again made a rush at the surprised student, wanting to know when he was going to "come over to the truth and be baptized".
Well, at this point of his talk it was all I could do not to walk out. (I'm finding more and more I'm the odd one out among the group on campus, not your average ANYTHING anymore...). Sure, this may be the generally-accepted way some folk have of "witnessing", but it just doesn't cut it for me. What right do I have to march up to someone and try convince them that my point of view is The Truth and whatever they believe is wrong? Do I have the right to assume they're not "saved"? Can I assume ownership over their walk with the Lord?
And what about my worship team's "outreach" plans? They're built along traditional church thinking of bringing people in with a good programme, polished performance - hooking them and then hoping they'll stay. "If we have enough programmes, add more of this or that, bring in a few famous speakers, we can get the membership way up!"
Nope, I don't think that's the way to go about it. Big Tent or Bull-in-a-China-Shop evangelism doesn't cut it anymore.
Which brings me to the Emerging Church part of this long speech.
What I see happening in EC is relationship-building as witness, as "conversion" if you will. You don't just march up to someone and try persuade them of anything. You sit with them, get to know them, spend time with them. Perhaps you won't have to say a word - your life as witness will be sufficient (provided your life actually IS a witness!!!). But if you do speak, it will be with a background of knowing WHO you're talking to, tailoring what you say to that particular person's needs and understanding. You're not dashing in where you may not be wanted or needed.
Of course if you witness like this, you are accountable for who you are, what you are, what you say and do, and how you do it. And that's more than just a well-prepared speech with a list of convincing points. It's witnessing to yourself as well as others, and a constant self-checking needed to see that your words and actions line up.
And that's where I think the EC has it right. Sounds pretty underground, as does much of the EC, but it works, it's effective - because it's REAL.
(NOTE: I don't doubt that many folk in non-EC situations do this too, but I really wish more would. I don't know many who do...)
More on Jesus
Forgive me for going on about the book I read this weekend. I just want to highlight something that struck me.
Bruce says he asked God to let him feel the way Jesus did as he acted His part for each scene. Just before they did the scene at the cross, he was blessed with an incredible insight.
All the years Jesus spent as a carpenter, working long hard physical hours, was in preparation for the cross. Every muscle developed, every physical aspect toughened up by nails and splinters and wood weights lifted, was all to prepare Him for the physical trauma of what was to come. (Bruce realized early on that Jesus was no imperious divine figure with manicured hands, and he prepared himself physically to portray the in-your-face humanness of The Man, as He would have been after 20+ years of manual labour)
Apparently many did not survive a flogging at Roman hands. Jesus was physically prepared to survive it. His body had been built to endure for years, He had the strength to make it through the beating.
He answered the only question He knew would ensure His death sentance - "Yes, I am He." Blasphamy to his accusers, the result of which was His death sentance. He made sure He got where He needed to be. He chose the cross.
And He was not dragged to the cross. His physical preparation enabled Him to crawl, struggling against all odds, with every ounce of strength, toward the only thing He was here to do, to reach toward the only means of our salvation - one more step, just a few more feet, nearly there. He did not give up until He got there and gave Himself for us.
That blew me away.
Bruce says he asked God to let him feel the way Jesus did as he acted His part for each scene. Just before they did the scene at the cross, he was blessed with an incredible insight.
All the years Jesus spent as a carpenter, working long hard physical hours, was in preparation for the cross. Every muscle developed, every physical aspect toughened up by nails and splinters and wood weights lifted, was all to prepare Him for the physical trauma of what was to come. (Bruce realized early on that Jesus was no imperious divine figure with manicured hands, and he prepared himself physically to portray the in-your-face humanness of The Man, as He would have been after 20+ years of manual labour)
Apparently many did not survive a flogging at Roman hands. Jesus was physically prepared to survive it. His body had been built to endure for years, He had the strength to make it through the beating.
He answered the only question He knew would ensure His death sentance - "Yes, I am He." Blasphamy to his accusers, the result of which was His death sentance. He made sure He got where He needed to be. He chose the cross.
And He was not dragged to the cross. His physical preparation enabled Him to crawl, struggling against all odds, with every ounce of strength, toward the only thing He was here to do, to reach toward the only means of our salvation - one more step, just a few more feet, nearly there. He did not give up until He got there and gave Himself for us.
That blew me away.
*Groan*
I spent most of yesterday painting the kitchen, quite a job with only a chair to stand on and a couple of cupboards handy for climbing to reach the roof. I'm not sure if I like the results or not. The walls are now a buttery creamy colour. Being a small space, I'm not sure if this or the previous white walls are better.
But one thing I DO know is that I have muscles aching in places they haven't for years...! Sitting for a few hours at work doesn't help matters - they only stiffen up even more. So I've taken to getting up to do things in batches - check for snail-mail, photocopy, loo, coffee - while I'm up I may as well do everything I can.
There's still the bathroom to go - which requires some serious scraping to get rid of old peeling paint. I tapped at one section of wooden skirting board yesterday and found it completely rotted through, but I dare not remove it, as the linoleum ends a few centimetres from the wall at the base of the wood.
If I feel like this after a mere day's painting, I don't want to know what the bathroom is going to do to me! I'm considering hiring a nice young muscular dude to help out. I'll grab something cold to drink, pull up a chair and shout encouragement while happy-snapping away with my trusty Minolta.
Anyone in the area care to volunteer their help? :)
But one thing I DO know is that I have muscles aching in places they haven't for years...! Sitting for a few hours at work doesn't help matters - they only stiffen up even more. So I've taken to getting up to do things in batches - check for snail-mail, photocopy, loo, coffee - while I'm up I may as well do everything I can.
There's still the bathroom to go - which requires some serious scraping to get rid of old peeling paint. I tapped at one section of wooden skirting board yesterday and found it completely rotted through, but I dare not remove it, as the linoleum ends a few centimetres from the wall at the base of the wood.
If I feel like this after a mere day's painting, I don't want to know what the bathroom is going to do to me! I'm considering hiring a nice young muscular dude to help out. I'll grab something cold to drink, pull up a chair and shout encouragement while happy-snapping away with my trusty Minolta.
Anyone in the area care to volunteer their help? :)
God's Co-Incidences
If you listen, you can hear His voice. You gotta listen hard though...
After reading the book mentioned below, I found images from its pages on the overhead screen at church last night, emphasizing what I'd learned about the Man of Joy, the Man of Passion, the Man of Love. Calling for a choice to follow to the ends of the earth.
The sermon seemed directed to my heart. In fact I was pretty blown away when the guy preaching read a quote that said something like this: "You may feel like you've lost all hope, that all your dreams are gone and that God is absent. You may think I've left the land, that I refuse to answer your prayers. But I am still here. My ways are not your ways. I hear you, I am close to you. Return to me, learn to know the Real Me. Stand back and see what I'll do in your life."
WOW.
It really confirms what I've been feeling. That I need to make God a priority, not the things of this world, or my dream of what I think I should be doing here. That I need to seek FIRST His kingdom, above all else. Not focus on this transitory place, this blip on the timeline of eternity.
Yes, I'm still hollow, empty, lost. But that emptiness provides a place for Him to enter, a space for Him to fill. I desperately want passion, love, faith. He can give those. I just need to stop trying so hard and let Him in.
I've decided to take a month off worship team duty. I want to get to know the One I am supposed to be worshipping before I put on any more acts in His presence. I've got a month to spend rethinking my attitudes and perceptions. I've got a month to seek His face, cry for His heart in worship. I've got a month to go back to my First Love and learn to love Him again.
Lord, Jesus, God - please, help.....
After reading the book mentioned below, I found images from its pages on the overhead screen at church last night, emphasizing what I'd learned about the Man of Joy, the Man of Passion, the Man of Love. Calling for a choice to follow to the ends of the earth.
The sermon seemed directed to my heart. In fact I was pretty blown away when the guy preaching read a quote that said something like this: "You may feel like you've lost all hope, that all your dreams are gone and that God is absent. You may think I've left the land, that I refuse to answer your prayers. But I am still here. My ways are not your ways. I hear you, I am close to you. Return to me, learn to know the Real Me. Stand back and see what I'll do in your life."
WOW.
It really confirms what I've been feeling. That I need to make God a priority, not the things of this world, or my dream of what I think I should be doing here. That I need to seek FIRST His kingdom, above all else. Not focus on this transitory place, this blip on the timeline of eternity.
Yes, I'm still hollow, empty, lost. But that emptiness provides a place for Him to enter, a space for Him to fill. I desperately want passion, love, faith. He can give those. I just need to stop trying so hard and let Him in.
I've decided to take a month off worship team duty. I want to get to know the One I am supposed to be worshipping before I put on any more acts in His presence. I've got a month to spend rethinking my attitudes and perceptions. I've got a month to seek His face, cry for His heart in worship. I've got a month to go back to my First Love and learn to love Him again.
Lord, Jesus, God - please, help.....
The Two Jesus's
This weekend I read the book "In the Footsteps of Jesus" from cover to cover. Written by Bruce Marchiano, it tells of his experience in getting to know the REAL Jesus he portrayed in the film "Matthew". It's fascinating, enlightening, humbling.
Got me thinking about it vs. the upcoming "The Passion of The Christ" movie that everyone's going on about. This in particular struck me:
(from an interview with Mel Gibson)
Gibson, who funded, directed and co-wrote the upcoming movie, said he wanted the movie to be shocking and extreme.
"It's very violent and if you don't like it, don't go, you know?" Gibson said in excerpts of the interview provided by ABC. "If you want to leave halfway through, go ahead."
(from Bruce's book)
The night before (we shot the crucifixion) we had brainstormed some graphic crucifixion ideas. We wanted to tell the story in its hard realities, and we talked about shot after shot of Jesus going through horror after horror. We were going to give the world what it had never gotten before, and we were excited to give it to them.
But before the cameras rolled on that first scene, Regardt (the producer) came bounding up with a mixture of awe and excitement on his face and said, "You won't believe this, but when I was praying about the work this morning, the Lord spoke into my heart: Don't be sorry for me."
Regardt then decided the Lord would have us go ahead and shoot reality, but shoot it simply and honestly, resisitng all self-indulgent desires to slap people in the face with it.
Quite simply, they wanted people to see Jesus and not be compelled to leave, or be forced by an age restriction to not even see it.
Now, I have not seen either film. I may be WAY off mark here. But reading Bruce's book impressed on me how much prayer and pleading had gone into every second of every scene in the Matthew film - intercession by producers, cameramen, makeup artists, everyone down to the smallest figure. How nothing was done without first asking for God to reveal and work through what they planned - and how plans would be changed immediately and at the last minute if the Spirit moved differently.
I'd be interested to hear if the behind-the-scenes of The Passion was the same, or if it was created for graphic, big-budget shock-factor instead, revolving around the man Mel, instead of The Man Jesus.
Like I said, I'm not an expert on either film. Just made me wonder...
Got me thinking about it vs. the upcoming "The Passion of The Christ" movie that everyone's going on about. This in particular struck me:
(from an interview with Mel Gibson)
Gibson, who funded, directed and co-wrote the upcoming movie, said he wanted the movie to be shocking and extreme.
"It's very violent and if you don't like it, don't go, you know?" Gibson said in excerpts of the interview provided by ABC. "If you want to leave halfway through, go ahead."
(from Bruce's book)
The night before (we shot the crucifixion) we had brainstormed some graphic crucifixion ideas. We wanted to tell the story in its hard realities, and we talked about shot after shot of Jesus going through horror after horror. We were going to give the world what it had never gotten before, and we were excited to give it to them.
But before the cameras rolled on that first scene, Regardt (the producer) came bounding up with a mixture of awe and excitement on his face and said, "You won't believe this, but when I was praying about the work this morning, the Lord spoke into my heart: Don't be sorry for me."
Regardt then decided the Lord would have us go ahead and shoot reality, but shoot it simply and honestly, resisitng all self-indulgent desires to slap people in the face with it.
Quite simply, they wanted people to see Jesus and not be compelled to leave, or be forced by an age restriction to not even see it.
Now, I have not seen either film. I may be WAY off mark here. But reading Bruce's book impressed on me how much prayer and pleading had gone into every second of every scene in the Matthew film - intercession by producers, cameramen, makeup artists, everyone down to the smallest figure. How nothing was done without first asking for God to reveal and work through what they planned - and how plans would be changed immediately and at the last minute if the Spirit moved differently.
I'd be interested to hear if the behind-the-scenes of The Passion was the same, or if it was created for graphic, big-budget shock-factor instead, revolving around the man Mel, instead of The Man Jesus.
Like I said, I'm not an expert on either film. Just made me wonder...
V-Day
Valentine's day is in the air - and all over the net. Hard to ignore! Shops, as usual, are exploiting the event to make a quick (big)buck by displaying strange and wonderful things in red and black.
In the past it really used to bug me that I was single on V-day. I have probably only received 3 cards in my life, and not much else. Used to hurt somewhat. Now - well, what the heck, it's just another day. Sure it's an excuse to obtain an extra dose of chocolate. Perhaps it should be renamed Chocolate Day to save us singles the hassle.
There are a couple of ideas out on the blogs this morning regarding The Day. Just wanted to point to two:
Some Christian Guy is going to be celebrating God's love (he's single) by a day of fasting and thankfulness. Nice new perspective there!
Jordan Cooper reminds us that chocolate comes from the hard work of some pretty horrific places - in fact some use child slaves to produce our indulgence. Something to consider.
As for me and my house - well, my son's all enthusiastic about making a card and celebrating. For his sake, I'm not going to ignore it, but am going to do something special for the day and buy him something delicious to munch (though I can't guarantee it's gonna be Fair Trade ingredients) and tell him how much I love him. We'll make a special meal too, including our famous condensed-milk and lemon pie for afters.
And for the rest of the day I'm going to try get us to focus our Sabbath on God's love, which is way, way better than anything anyone here on earth could offer us.
It's funny - the older (and singler) I get, the less having a Significant Other seems to matter to me. There are those who are desperate for a partner, who can't imagine being single forever. Me, well perhaps I'm just a hard-hearted old maid. But I really am happily single. It's been years since I've felt lonely and I ain't about to start trying to now.
But, as it's leap year I may just find a handsome stranger to suprise with a random kiss - beware! :)
In the past it really used to bug me that I was single on V-day. I have probably only received 3 cards in my life, and not much else. Used to hurt somewhat. Now - well, what the heck, it's just another day. Sure it's an excuse to obtain an extra dose of chocolate. Perhaps it should be renamed Chocolate Day to save us singles the hassle.
There are a couple of ideas out on the blogs this morning regarding The Day. Just wanted to point to two:
Some Christian Guy is going to be celebrating God's love (he's single) by a day of fasting and thankfulness. Nice new perspective there!
Jordan Cooper reminds us that chocolate comes from the hard work of some pretty horrific places - in fact some use child slaves to produce our indulgence. Something to consider.
As for me and my house - well, my son's all enthusiastic about making a card and celebrating. For his sake, I'm not going to ignore it, but am going to do something special for the day and buy him something delicious to munch (though I can't guarantee it's gonna be Fair Trade ingredients) and tell him how much I love him. We'll make a special meal too, including our famous condensed-milk and lemon pie for afters.
And for the rest of the day I'm going to try get us to focus our Sabbath on God's love, which is way, way better than anything anyone here on earth could offer us.
It's funny - the older (and singler) I get, the less having a Significant Other seems to matter to me. There are those who are desperate for a partner, who can't imagine being single forever. Me, well perhaps I'm just a hard-hearted old maid. But I really am happily single. It's been years since I've felt lonely and I ain't about to start trying to now.
But, as it's leap year I may just find a handsome stranger to suprise with a random kiss - beware! :)
It's Time
It's time for me to get back into creativity. Time to start sketching again. Time to write poetry and stories, to imagine and think. Time to haul out the chalk pastels. Time to stock up on paint. It's time to get creative with the camera - even if it costs the earth to have photos developed these days. Time to sort out that neglected corner of the garden, time to grow that Hanepoot grape vine along the fence-line. Time to turn those metres of cloth into useful things of beauty. Time to recolour walls and furnishings. Time to enjoy and absorb beauty, then allow it to flow out through the me that's been hidden for years.
I realized this morning that February is the last month of summer. The trees are already starting their golden age. Perhaps as a response my body is preparing for the indoor joys of winter. Replacing the outdoor joys of summer with it's debilitating heat.
All I know is, it's Time.
I realized this morning that February is the last month of summer. The trees are already starting their golden age. Perhaps as a response my body is preparing for the indoor joys of winter. Replacing the outdoor joys of summer with it's debilitating heat.
All I know is, it's Time.
Escape!
Ever wanted to escape where you're at? You know, just sell up and hop on a boat, or drive a continent, or go do something extraodinary?
I wonder if I could do that. Give up my securely comfortable rut, take my son's education into my own hands and just go. It's a very appealing thought, but the horribly practical side of me recoils in horror with all the "but's" you can think of. And yet, I really don't have many ties. Everything's paid off and self-owned, I don't have a pesky husband to talk sense to me. Just me and the kid, roaming the world, or living a dream. We've had worse, living the rut and barely making it. We're used to living on little. We could both do with a change of scene, a little adventure.
I guess it's possible. But that leap of faith is scary to even think of, never mind take! I'll have to relegate Escape from Life to the One-Day-I'll-Do-It box in my head I guess.
I wonder if I could do that. Give up my securely comfortable rut, take my son's education into my own hands and just go. It's a very appealing thought, but the horribly practical side of me recoils in horror with all the "but's" you can think of. And yet, I really don't have many ties. Everything's paid off and self-owned, I don't have a pesky husband to talk sense to me. Just me and the kid, roaming the world, or living a dream. We've had worse, living the rut and barely making it. We're used to living on little. We could both do with a change of scene, a little adventure.
I guess it's possible. But that leap of faith is scary to even think of, never mind take! I'll have to relegate Escape from Life to the One-Day-I'll-Do-It box in my head I guess.
Soul-food for Today
Early-morning dew, mist on the mountains, the usual 3-pack of hadedas flying overhead calling loudly on their way to their day-jobs.
First rays of sun creeping between mountain peaks, dripping down the treeline until they touch my face.
Half-asleep hugs from my bigger-every-day son, dog-kisses from the beasts, doves, shrikes and weavers waiting in a line on the fence to say "hi - where's our breakfast?"
Fresh coffee burbling in the machine. Ah, heaven...
A knowing, deep inside, that I am capable of great things, that I have beauty and good somewhere in my being, that I can create and dream.
Colour and light all around me, from the grey-blues of the sea to the chalky-browns of the earth and the greens of my garden.
Tomatoes, freshly picked, still warm, overflowing the garden - sweeter than have ever been bought. Daily miracles as the ground produces guaranteed-organic food to satisfy our hunger.
The dubious blessing of being able to work - the exceptional blessing of being paid to do it. The promised blessing of a delicious lunch with colleagues.
Peace in my soul. Trust in God for the future. A REAL God who listens when I say something, no matter how trivial it is.
First rays of sun creeping between mountain peaks, dripping down the treeline until they touch my face.
Half-asleep hugs from my bigger-every-day son, dog-kisses from the beasts, doves, shrikes and weavers waiting in a line on the fence to say "hi - where's our breakfast?"
Fresh coffee burbling in the machine. Ah, heaven...
A knowing, deep inside, that I am capable of great things, that I have beauty and good somewhere in my being, that I can create and dream.
Colour and light all around me, from the grey-blues of the sea to the chalky-browns of the earth and the greens of my garden.
Tomatoes, freshly picked, still warm, overflowing the garden - sweeter than have ever been bought. Daily miracles as the ground produces guaranteed-organic food to satisfy our hunger.
The dubious blessing of being able to work - the exceptional blessing of being paid to do it. The promised blessing of a delicious lunch with colleagues.
Peace in my soul. Trust in God for the future. A REAL God who listens when I say something, no matter how trivial it is.
Organ Trafficking
For a different perspective on the horrific problem of organ trafficking, see this article. It's quite something!!!
The Lord gives, the Lord takes away
WARNING: LONG!!!
(From "The Dream Giver")
Ordinary started up the mountain again, his step light. He couldn't wait to discover what the Dream Giver had in store for him.
Before long, Ordinary emerged at a summit. He found himself standing on a broad table of rock, gazing at a glorious sight - a river bleow, then a wide valley, and above it, all along the far horizon, a gleaming riboon of shining hills.
"The Land of Promise!" Ordinary gasped. "It has to be!"
Yes, he heard the Dream Giver say.
Ordinary let out a shout of victory. "I made it! My Big Dream is right over there!" he yelled.
Yes.
Ordinary was overcome with happiness. His Big Dream was finally within reach. Oh, how he wished that Best Friend and his Parents and every Nobody in Familiar could be here to see what he was seeing at this moment!
Ordinary, said the Dream Giver.
"Yes, " said Ordinary.
Give me your Dream.
"What do you mean?" Ordinary asked. "It's my Dream. You're the one who gave it to me."
Yes. And now I'm asking you to give it back.
Ordinary was shocked, but he didn't even have to think. "I can't," he told the Dream Giver. "And I won't."
***
Ordinary paced back and forth along the rim of the summit, trying to understand what had just happened. Why would the Dream Giver want to take away his Big Dream? How could he even ask? Especially now, when Ordinary had come so far.
It wasn't fair. It wasn't even right.
Then Ordinary had an idea. Maybe there was a way out.
"Do I have to give it back?" he asked.
No, the Dream Giver said. Some choose not to.
So he had a choice. He could keep his Dream. But instead of relief at the thought, Ordinary felt confused and sad. What was he going to do?
He slumped down on the rock. He thought for a long while. Finally, he saw what was at stake.
He could please the Dream Giver and surrender his Dream. Or he could go against the Dream Giver's wishes and keep his Dream, but risk losing the Dream Giver's pleasure.
The choice broke his heart.
Time passed. Ordinary thought, and thought some more. The sun set and rose again.
In the morning light, his eyes fell on a smooth, flat stone nearby. Picking it up, he noticed that the stone fit perfectly in his palm. Then he saw a word etched into its surface. Remember.
What could it mean? he wondered. Was thr stone a message from the Dream Giver or from another Dreamer? What should he remember?
Holding the stone, Ordinary found himself thinking back. He remembered Champion and Faith. They must have faced this choice. What would they say to him now?
He remembered the returning Dreamers. He could still hear their sad and bitter voices. They couldn't have surrendered their Dreams here - they didn't even trust the Dream Giver.
Over and over he turned the stone in his palm. Finally, his thoughts turned to the Dream Giver. The Dream Giver had always kept his promises. He had always been good to Ordinary, even when he was nowhere in sight and nothing seemed to make sense.
Then Ordinary knew what he had to do - no, what he wanted to do.
"I'm surrendering my Dream to you, Dream Giver. I've decided that it's you that I can't go on without," he wrote in his journal. Then he left it open on the rock, and began his slow descent to the river below.
***
Later that day, Ordinary reached the river. No one waited for him there. He had no Dream or plan now. Yet he felt a deep peace.
He waded into the river and swam across. At the far bank he climbed out. And the first thing he saw was his journal, lying open on the grass.
His heart racing, he picked it up and read:
"Ordinary, I am giving you back your Dream. Now you can use it to serve me. Now you can achieve truly Great Things. And I am with you always."
Luke 15:33 - In the same way, not one of you can be my disciple unless you are willing to give up everything you have.
Lord, you gave me a dream years ago, and I've been working toward it ever since with everything I've got. Now You've taken it, it seems. Lord, I give it over to you - but it's so very hard to do. I would rather be your disciple than fulfil my dreams. I know that my dreams need to be Your dreams - without that they can never succeed.
Give me the strength to resist trying to wrest them out of Your hands and cry "Mine, all mine!" Give me a willing spirit to trust You completely. Show me where you want me to place my feet toward the future You have planned for me.
(From "The Dream Giver")
Ordinary started up the mountain again, his step light. He couldn't wait to discover what the Dream Giver had in store for him.
Before long, Ordinary emerged at a summit. He found himself standing on a broad table of rock, gazing at a glorious sight - a river bleow, then a wide valley, and above it, all along the far horizon, a gleaming riboon of shining hills.
"The Land of Promise!" Ordinary gasped. "It has to be!"
Yes, he heard the Dream Giver say.
Ordinary let out a shout of victory. "I made it! My Big Dream is right over there!" he yelled.
Yes.
Ordinary was overcome with happiness. His Big Dream was finally within reach. Oh, how he wished that Best Friend and his Parents and every Nobody in Familiar could be here to see what he was seeing at this moment!
Ordinary, said the Dream Giver.
"Yes, " said Ordinary.
Give me your Dream.
"What do you mean?" Ordinary asked. "It's my Dream. You're the one who gave it to me."
Yes. And now I'm asking you to give it back.
Ordinary was shocked, but he didn't even have to think. "I can't," he told the Dream Giver. "And I won't."
***
Ordinary paced back and forth along the rim of the summit, trying to understand what had just happened. Why would the Dream Giver want to take away his Big Dream? How could he even ask? Especially now, when Ordinary had come so far.
It wasn't fair. It wasn't even right.
Then Ordinary had an idea. Maybe there was a way out.
"Do I have to give it back?" he asked.
No, the Dream Giver said. Some choose not to.
So he had a choice. He could keep his Dream. But instead of relief at the thought, Ordinary felt confused and sad. What was he going to do?
He slumped down on the rock. He thought for a long while. Finally, he saw what was at stake.
He could please the Dream Giver and surrender his Dream. Or he could go against the Dream Giver's wishes and keep his Dream, but risk losing the Dream Giver's pleasure.
The choice broke his heart.
Time passed. Ordinary thought, and thought some more. The sun set and rose again.
In the morning light, his eyes fell on a smooth, flat stone nearby. Picking it up, he noticed that the stone fit perfectly in his palm. Then he saw a word etched into its surface. Remember.
What could it mean? he wondered. Was thr stone a message from the Dream Giver or from another Dreamer? What should he remember?
Holding the stone, Ordinary found himself thinking back. He remembered Champion and Faith. They must have faced this choice. What would they say to him now?
He remembered the returning Dreamers. He could still hear their sad and bitter voices. They couldn't have surrendered their Dreams here - they didn't even trust the Dream Giver.
Over and over he turned the stone in his palm. Finally, his thoughts turned to the Dream Giver. The Dream Giver had always kept his promises. He had always been good to Ordinary, even when he was nowhere in sight and nothing seemed to make sense.
Then Ordinary knew what he had to do - no, what he wanted to do.
"I'm surrendering my Dream to you, Dream Giver. I've decided that it's you that I can't go on without," he wrote in his journal. Then he left it open on the rock, and began his slow descent to the river below.
***
Later that day, Ordinary reached the river. No one waited for him there. He had no Dream or plan now. Yet he felt a deep peace.
He waded into the river and swam across. At the far bank he climbed out. And the first thing he saw was his journal, lying open on the grass.
His heart racing, he picked it up and read:
"Ordinary, I am giving you back your Dream. Now you can use it to serve me. Now you can achieve truly Great Things. And I am with you always."
Luke 15:33 - In the same way, not one of you can be my disciple unless you are willing to give up everything you have.
Lord, you gave me a dream years ago, and I've been working toward it ever since with everything I've got. Now You've taken it, it seems. Lord, I give it over to you - but it's so very hard to do. I would rather be your disciple than fulfil my dreams. I know that my dreams need to be Your dreams - without that they can never succeed.
Give me the strength to resist trying to wrest them out of Your hands and cry "Mine, all mine!" Give me a willing spirit to trust You completely. Show me where you want me to place my feet toward the future You have planned for me.
Should I stay or should I go?
I'm perched on the horns of a pretty sharp-tipped dilemma.
Our worship team leader made it clear that we should not be a part of the Creative Arts Ministry Team unless we have a strong walk with the Lord and everythings OK spiritually.
Trouble is, I'm not sure I have even a weak walk at the moment and I'm sure as heck not that spiritually OK. I'm really struggling right now! But at the same time my involvement in worship and music in the church is helping me get closer to God - closer than the weeks I sit in the pews.
If I leave, I will not only face the cries of "deserter!" from some, but also may face losing out on the one thing that seems to be feeding me spiritually these days.
So what to do? Should I just keep silent and hope that my lack of "spirituality" doesn't block God's working through the team? Or do I face up to the truth, tell the truth and leave?
Hard, hard decisions... I'm going to have to run this past someone who knows both me and the worship team pretty well. Time to use my "phone a friend" option!
::update::
Phoned the friend, who was extremely shocked to hear I had thoughts of leaving. I didn't get to tell her all my reasons, but she was very encouraging and said "of course you must stay! We all have downs, but this is where God's put your heart!" I still have to deal with discouragement and the repurcussions of the worship team leader's Big Gripe Session after the service on Sunday (which SO destroyed the meagre blessing I'd received), but for now I'll give it my best and see how it goes.
Our worship team leader made it clear that we should not be a part of the Creative Arts Ministry Team unless we have a strong walk with the Lord and everythings OK spiritually.
Trouble is, I'm not sure I have even a weak walk at the moment and I'm sure as heck not that spiritually OK. I'm really struggling right now! But at the same time my involvement in worship and music in the church is helping me get closer to God - closer than the weeks I sit in the pews.
If I leave, I will not only face the cries of "deserter!" from some, but also may face losing out on the one thing that seems to be feeding me spiritually these days.
So what to do? Should I just keep silent and hope that my lack of "spirituality" doesn't block God's working through the team? Or do I face up to the truth, tell the truth and leave?
Hard, hard decisions... I'm going to have to run this past someone who knows both me and the worship team pretty well. Time to use my "phone a friend" option!
::update::
Phoned the friend, who was extremely shocked to hear I had thoughts of leaving. I didn't get to tell her all my reasons, but she was very encouraging and said "of course you must stay! We all have downs, but this is where God's put your heart!" I still have to deal with discouragement and the repurcussions of the worship team leader's Big Gripe Session after the service on Sunday (which SO destroyed the meagre blessing I'd received), but for now I'll give it my best and see how it goes.
Echoes of the Past
In my quest to avoid hard work today, I spent some time looking at a few sites showing images of abandoned buildings. Some are creepy, some are freaky, and some are just plain fascinating!
I particularly enjoy the site chronicling the demise of an old Mental Health Sanitorium in the USA. Of course there are your usual tales of apparitions and scary vibes, but it's amazing to see how it was just deserted, leaving intact beds, files, bottles of "samples", the odd wheelchair and some rather incredible architecture.
Other sites chronicle left-behind warehouses and factories, old slaughterhouses and shacks, ruins of castles and mansions. Wow.
I know there are a couple of old buildings around here - perhaps I should haul out my trusty Minolta (with its shoulder-straining bag of lenses) and go take a few shots! There was a huge and crumbling fruit cannery in town a couple of years ago - that would have made for some good pics. It has since been torn down and replaced with "factory shops" and a warehouse-style mega-church.
I've always been fascinated by the old, the creepy, the somewhat-unexplained, tales of the odd. I guess that explains my X-files addiction. I'm not heading toward any paranormal obsession (I hope), but do enjoy wondering at things around us, some of them beyond our understanding, and some with interesting stories to tell.
When you can't leave your desk it makes for a mind-boggling virtual trip.
::additional thoughts::
Here in SA an empty building would soon be occupied by "squatters" and homeless folks, but you have to wonder if some of these places could be put to good use for the local community. Places like an inner-city school that was closed down and deserted because of a killing or so there, and has never been re-opened to educate those in the area. I'm sure many of these places could find new life - heck, I'd happily take a few over, renovate and re-use!!
::update::
Realized that there are a few really cool deserted building right close by, including a few old farm buildings on campus! Me and my Minolta are going hunting asap.... Anything of value might just end up enlarged, printed in black & white and mounted as "art".
I particularly enjoy the site chronicling the demise of an old Mental Health Sanitorium in the USA. Of course there are your usual tales of apparitions and scary vibes, but it's amazing to see how it was just deserted, leaving intact beds, files, bottles of "samples", the odd wheelchair and some rather incredible architecture.
Other sites chronicle left-behind warehouses and factories, old slaughterhouses and shacks, ruins of castles and mansions. Wow.
I know there are a couple of old buildings around here - perhaps I should haul out my trusty Minolta (with its shoulder-straining bag of lenses) and go take a few shots! There was a huge and crumbling fruit cannery in town a couple of years ago - that would have made for some good pics. It has since been torn down and replaced with "factory shops" and a warehouse-style mega-church.
I've always been fascinated by the old, the creepy, the somewhat-unexplained, tales of the odd. I guess that explains my X-files addiction. I'm not heading toward any paranormal obsession (I hope), but do enjoy wondering at things around us, some of them beyond our understanding, and some with interesting stories to tell.
When you can't leave your desk it makes for a mind-boggling virtual trip.
::additional thoughts::
Here in SA an empty building would soon be occupied by "squatters" and homeless folks, but you have to wonder if some of these places could be put to good use for the local community. Places like an inner-city school that was closed down and deserted because of a killing or so there, and has never been re-opened to educate those in the area. I'm sure many of these places could find new life - heck, I'd happily take a few over, renovate and re-use!!
::update::
Realized that there are a few really cool deserted building right close by, including a few old farm buildings on campus! Me and my Minolta are going hunting asap.... Anything of value might just end up enlarged, printed in black & white and mounted as "art".
More Visa Junk
Yeah, I know you're all going to delete my blog from your list of links pretty soon if I carry on any more about the visa! :) Unfortunately it's kinda dominating my life right now, so bear with me.
I had an email back from the woman holding my file today. Hope flared briefly when she said I could get my Afrikaans evaluated by their official evaluating body. Then it died when Afrikaans was listed as one of the few languages they DON'T evaluate.
Geez....
At the moment it seems so totally impossible that we'll be granted a visa. Without my Afrikaans points I'll be left in the pool until the minimum points drop or I make a plan to claim the points - and apparently the points have never dropped in the entire history of the immigration services, according to this lady.
This truly is up to God now - I'm as stuck as a porcupine in bubble-wrap and there's nothing I know how to do.
I had an email back from the woman holding my file today. Hope flared briefly when she said I could get my Afrikaans evaluated by their official evaluating body. Then it died when Afrikaans was listed as one of the few languages they DON'T evaluate.
Geez....
At the moment it seems so totally impossible that we'll be granted a visa. Without my Afrikaans points I'll be left in the pool until the minimum points drop or I make a plan to claim the points - and apparently the points have never dropped in the entire history of the immigration services, according to this lady.
This truly is up to God now - I'm as stuck as a porcupine in bubble-wrap and there's nothing I know how to do.
Embarking on The Journey
No, not that journey. :)
My sis-in-law has lent us her volume of Lord of the Rings. We start reading it as a bedtime story tonight! I know there's quite a bit of difficult language for a 10-year-old to understand, so it may take us a while to get through. That, and the fact that the book is THICK!!!
My son made us a special LOTR bookmark last night - complete with elvish writing and a realistic ring. Boy, does that child have artistic talent!
Now that we've seen the films, we're really looking forward to getting the Full Story. Even if it takes more than an Age.
My sis-in-law has lent us her volume of Lord of the Rings. We start reading it as a bedtime story tonight! I know there's quite a bit of difficult language for a 10-year-old to understand, so it may take us a while to get through. That, and the fact that the book is THICK!!!
My son made us a special LOTR bookmark last night - complete with elvish writing and a realistic ring. Boy, does that child have artistic talent!
Now that we've seen the films, we're really looking forward to getting the Full Story. Even if it takes more than an Age.
Hotazel
I'm not looking forward to leaving work today - not because I'm crazy about work, but because the temps are hitting the high 30's (C not F!) today and it's cooler in the office than at home. I'm extremely thankful that the aircon here is working - without it I'd melt.
But the heat makes sleeping at night very hard. My son gets the only electric fan aimed his direction - I get dog-warmers who insist on taking over the bed and heating it up. With a gale-force wind blowing the windows stay semi-closed, but then it dies down around midnight, leaving oppressively still air - and you then have to get up and open every window in the house.
I know some folk are freezing their little tootsies (and other bits) off, but currently a few days of winter would be MOST appreciated, just so we can sleep.
(Just checked the weather for the next few days, and it ain't gonna get cooler anytime soon....)
But the heat makes sleeping at night very hard. My son gets the only electric fan aimed his direction - I get dog-warmers who insist on taking over the bed and heating it up. With a gale-force wind blowing the windows stay semi-closed, but then it dies down around midnight, leaving oppressively still air - and you then have to get up and open every window in the house.
I know some folk are freezing their little tootsies (and other bits) off, but currently a few days of winter would be MOST appreciated, just so we can sleep.
(Just checked the weather for the next few days, and it ain't gonna get cooler anytime soon....)
Hollow
I've been feeling hollow. Like there's nothing inside me. I look for passion, for happiness, for sadnes, for ANYTHING and there's just a blank. It's not a vacuum - I'd have felt that pulling my ribs inwards. It's just a nothingness.
I felt it at church last night when I looked for enthusiasm and a happiness to be in God's presence. Nothing there. There was a tiny glow of something at the end of the service, but it was squashed when the worship team leader came up and moaned about the sound, the musicians, the singers... Nothingness took over again.
I feel it when I look inside to find feelings about work, about life, about home, about those around me. There's the dark blank space again. There are shadows on the walls where things used to be - their outline enclosing the colour of my soul as it was, the rest faded into a paler version of me.
It may be that I've worked myself into the ground during the week, that I didn't get a decent Sabbath rest this weekend, that I can feel illness coming on. I need time out to refocus, to just be for a bit. I need time to refresh, a chance to absorb and listen. Maybe then the nothingness will retreat and leave me filled with beauty, passion and light once more.
I felt it at church last night when I looked for enthusiasm and a happiness to be in God's presence. Nothing there. There was a tiny glow of something at the end of the service, but it was squashed when the worship team leader came up and moaned about the sound, the musicians, the singers... Nothingness took over again.
I feel it when I look inside to find feelings about work, about life, about home, about those around me. There's the dark blank space again. There are shadows on the walls where things used to be - their outline enclosing the colour of my soul as it was, the rest faded into a paler version of me.
It may be that I've worked myself into the ground during the week, that I didn't get a decent Sabbath rest this weekend, that I can feel illness coming on. I need time out to refocus, to just be for a bit. I need time to refresh, a chance to absorb and listen. Maybe then the nothingness will retreat and leave me filled with beauty, passion and light once more.
Our field trip!
This weekend my car earned its keep. We drove nearly 300km, mostly just wandering around.
We spent Saturday at my brother's place in Seapoint, Cape Town - just vegging and having a gigantic brunch, then recovering. We also got to watch the video of the baby scan that revealed my brother & wife will be having a son - Ethan Bainbridge, second name still to be discussed. He's a cute enough little bugger, nice and see-through on the scan! :) The funniest thing was when the lady doing the scanning did a colour change on a front view of his face - he flashed green, blue, red, yellow with a see-through skull - looked totally like something out of X-files. Needless to say my son's glad his first cousin will not be a girl...
And then Sunday struck. I had a bit of a road-trip / explore planned as a suprise for my son. We headed out early to Franschhoek, a half-hour's drive from here, nestled in the mountains. We wandered the Hugenot monument, the tree-lined (and breakfast-run biker lined) streets and then wound up at the place I was REALLY there for - Hugenot Fine Chocolates. Hand-made, absolutely heavenly and probably the most expensive chocolates in South Africa. We bought 4 little ones each, and I got a tiny box of 3 for the mega-boss here to say thanks for things he's done recently to make my working life easier. Very, very yum.
From there we took the backroads through mountains toward Wellington, another 1/2 hour or so drive, then hit the main Cape Town / Cairo road (though rather nearer Cape Town than Cairo) to head back home. With the car threatening overheating (it is an '82 Ford Sierra afer all!), we stopped off at Butterfly World to talk to their miniature goats, but not to see the butterflies, as they were kinda costly and we'd already used up our cash on chocolates. A cooled car and a straight run from there and we were home within an hour.
It was a change of scene from our usual Sundays - much better than doing washing and cleaning and stuff. Though I still had washing to do anyway when we got back. It was great to just hang out with my son, travel a bit, see new places, explore roads we've only looked down and do some different stuff.
Our next trip is planned! We'll head to Betty's Bay and attempt sliding down the HUGE sand-dune there, perhaps stop off in Hermanus or explore the nearby lakes. Another trip will be to the southernmost point of Africa at Agulhas, a mere 2 hours drive from here. Deserted beaches, collectable shells.
While we still can, we're going to see the sights around here. Even if I don't know what the future holds, we're going to enjoy each day as it comes NOW.
We spent Saturday at my brother's place in Seapoint, Cape Town - just vegging and having a gigantic brunch, then recovering. We also got to watch the video of the baby scan that revealed my brother & wife will be having a son - Ethan Bainbridge, second name still to be discussed. He's a cute enough little bugger, nice and see-through on the scan! :) The funniest thing was when the lady doing the scanning did a colour change on a front view of his face - he flashed green, blue, red, yellow with a see-through skull - looked totally like something out of X-files. Needless to say my son's glad his first cousin will not be a girl...
And then Sunday struck. I had a bit of a road-trip / explore planned as a suprise for my son. We headed out early to Franschhoek, a half-hour's drive from here, nestled in the mountains. We wandered the Hugenot monument, the tree-lined (and breakfast-run biker lined) streets and then wound up at the place I was REALLY there for - Hugenot Fine Chocolates. Hand-made, absolutely heavenly and probably the most expensive chocolates in South Africa. We bought 4 little ones each, and I got a tiny box of 3 for the mega-boss here to say thanks for things he's done recently to make my working life easier. Very, very yum.
From there we took the backroads through mountains toward Wellington, another 1/2 hour or so drive, then hit the main Cape Town / Cairo road (though rather nearer Cape Town than Cairo) to head back home. With the car threatening overheating (it is an '82 Ford Sierra afer all!), we stopped off at Butterfly World to talk to their miniature goats, but not to see the butterflies, as they were kinda costly and we'd already used up our cash on chocolates. A cooled car and a straight run from there and we were home within an hour.
It was a change of scene from our usual Sundays - much better than doing washing and cleaning and stuff. Though I still had washing to do anyway when we got back. It was great to just hang out with my son, travel a bit, see new places, explore roads we've only looked down and do some different stuff.
Our next trip is planned! We'll head to Betty's Bay and attempt sliding down the HUGE sand-dune there, perhaps stop off in Hermanus or explore the nearby lakes. Another trip will be to the southernmost point of Africa at Agulhas, a mere 2 hours drive from here. Deserted beaches, collectable shells.
While we still can, we're going to see the sights around here. Even if I don't know what the future holds, we're going to enjoy each day as it comes NOW.
Thanks
A big thank-you to all those who left comments on my previous post over the weekend. I've been through some serious lows since then, and have ended up kinda numb inside and out, not knowing where to from here.
I've been questioning how God can give such seemingly sure hope, then suddenly take it all away again. But then I remembered the little book my mom gave a while ago on Big Dreams. How you have to sometimes just give your whole dream over to God and wait to see what He does with it - whether He gives it back new and improved or takes it away and gives you something else.
I still have no direction (and no email response from the immigration dpt, surprise surprise...), but this is in God's hands. He can work major miracles if need be.
It would just be really nice to read His mind sometimes...
I've been questioning how God can give such seemingly sure hope, then suddenly take it all away again. But then I remembered the little book my mom gave a while ago on Big Dreams. How you have to sometimes just give your whole dream over to God and wait to see what He does with it - whether He gives it back new and improved or takes it away and gives you something else.
I still have no direction (and no email response from the immigration dpt, surprise surprise...), but this is in God's hands. He can work major miracles if need be.
It would just be really nice to read His mind sometimes...
Visa News
I have just received a letter regarding my visa application, to the effect that if I can invest AU$100,000 (half a million Rands approx.) immediately my visa will be granted right away. If not, I go into the pool for 2 years - which at this stage sounds like forever!
There are other issues too - but the gist of it is I'm in a catch-22 situation. What is needed, I don't see a way to provide (a degree completed in Afrikaans, an assurer that earns more than they currently do) - but without it we're stuck.
Just really discouraged right now and ready to go home and have a good cry.
HOWEVER I have left this in God's hands, which I need to remind myself of right now.
I've emailed the person who sent the letter, asking if an offer of employment will make a difference, and as to the other issues, that's up to God, cos I can't do it myself. I just need to keep that in sight and not get all down about my puny efforts.
There are other issues too - but the gist of it is I'm in a catch-22 situation. What is needed, I don't see a way to provide (a degree completed in Afrikaans, an assurer that earns more than they currently do) - but without it we're stuck.
Just really discouraged right now and ready to go home and have a good cry.
HOWEVER I have left this in God's hands, which I need to remind myself of right now.
I've emailed the person who sent the letter, asking if an offer of employment will make a difference, and as to the other issues, that's up to God, cos I can't do it myself. I just need to keep that in sight and not get all down about my puny efforts.
Amateur vs Professional
I have spent the ENTIRE day designing just the front page for the new college website. It took that long because I am having to teach myself Dreamweaver as I go, and that's no easy task. I tried a tutorial, but it would have meant first creating a tutorial website, and it didn't look a thing like what I wanted for the college one - nor did it make much sense.
Now if the college had seen fit to send me on a Dreamweaver course, it would have been mightily helpful. I would have known why my tables insisted on resizing differently every time I viewed them - with no pottering on my part. I would have understood how tags and styles and objects work, what navigation bar error messages are actually trying to tell me. I would have known how to do a lot of things that I don't.
Since being handed the website all I've done is fiddle with what the previous guy did - and he didn't know what he was doing either! I think I could be pretty good at Dreamweaver if I just had a little more knowledge, and especially if I had more time to learn.
It's a bit like my spiritual life. Time is short, so I do what I think I can in the time I think I have - and thus scratch only the surface. I could do with more learning time, more training/mentoring for where I go wrong. Instead I use up a lot of time trying this and that, trial and error until I find something that works.
But unlike web design, I don't think one can be either an amateur or professional Christ-follower. Perhaps it really is best sometimes not to be trained too professionally in the art of following - but rather to have to hold on tight to the One who leads and go where He goes, even if you have no clue where you're headed.
Now if the college had seen fit to send me on a Dreamweaver course, it would have been mightily helpful. I would have known why my tables insisted on resizing differently every time I viewed them - with no pottering on my part. I would have understood how tags and styles and objects work, what navigation bar error messages are actually trying to tell me. I would have known how to do a lot of things that I don't.
Since being handed the website all I've done is fiddle with what the previous guy did - and he didn't know what he was doing either! I think I could be pretty good at Dreamweaver if I just had a little more knowledge, and especially if I had more time to learn.
It's a bit like my spiritual life. Time is short, so I do what I think I can in the time I think I have - and thus scratch only the surface. I could do with more learning time, more training/mentoring for where I go wrong. Instead I use up a lot of time trying this and that, trial and error until I find something that works.
But unlike web design, I don't think one can be either an amateur or professional Christ-follower. Perhaps it really is best sometimes not to be trained too professionally in the art of following - but rather to have to hold on tight to the One who leads and go where He goes, even if you have no clue where you're headed.
How to know when to go
You know it's time to leave when the toaster breaks, the breadboard splits in half, the microwave starts creating its own "Southern Lights" display, the electric beater blows up during use, the bread knife loses its blade mid-slice and the front door handle falls off, locking you in the house for three hours until you manage to take the locking mechanism apart and reassemble it (it's the only exit/entrance), while outside the dogs scratch and whine to be let in.
Time for a new life! :)
::update::
The kitchen scissors snapped at lunchtime today... Another one bites the dust!!!
::update 2::
The breadbox lid split in half last night. Wonder what will go next???
Time for a new life! :)
::update::
The kitchen scissors snapped at lunchtime today... Another one bites the dust!!!
::update 2::
The breadbox lid split in half last night. Wonder what will go next???
Not again...
Oh Lord, I've done it again. I asked for Your help, then went and blew it with a bad decision that crushed what You'd already done! I was doing better before, but I'm back where I started - no, even lower than where I started. Yet again I cry "HELP", for only You can help me. I need Your strength, I need Your integrity, I need to know I haven't messed up so badly that there's no hope. Lord, all I know how to cry is "Help", for I know that in my own strength I can do nothing.
Feet in 2 camps
Because I don't have a one-track mind, I seem to have a foot in each of two camps of thought - related, though not outrightly so. Bear with me as I ramble on!
For years I've been interested in the increasing lack of community, "real" food, growing-up-in-nature childhoods and issues of sustainability. I've put a lot of research hours into learning how to live with minimum impact on resources, how to build and live sustainably, and how to raise my child to be healthy and happy. I've discovered the radical side of earth protection and the live-and-let-live side. There are hermits who shut themselves away in their own litttle paradises, and there are those who strive to make a difference where they are - sometimes developing things like city gardens, or training those around them in the knowledge they've found.
My other foot is in the emerging church camp. I've had a hunger for MORE in church, God, Christianity, living - for years now. And I've put a lot of research hours into reading, learning, absorbing - starting to sound similar to the above yet? As in the Green-ish camp, there's a radical side, and there's a live-and-let-live side. There are hermits who shut themselves away from anything to do with the past, and there are those who go out into the community they're in.
What an amazing number of similarities!
With a foot each side of the fence, it's hard to read an article about one without having flashbacks to the other.
Take this article, for example, which talks about how Americans are disconnecting from where their food comes from - a lot of kids are disgusted to find where milk comes from!:) In the same breath the article bemoans a lack of community, the closing down of community-based businesses (where everyone knows everyone) and take-over of the mega-business. There's no more personal relationship between producer and consumer, or a relationship of interaction. Sound familiar? Yup, no community in church, no-one knows you, the preacher talks at, not to, you and the mega-church has replaced the little country one.
The article goes on to talk about the self-abusive love of fast food. Fast-food-religion too perhaps? Go once a week, pay for your hour, go home. Not too good for you, but it tastes ok and it's easier than slaving in the kitchen to get at the good stuff.
Consider this paragraph from an emerging church point of view:
"In general, sustainable farmers succeed by focusing on the weaknesses of industrial systems of food and farming. Instead of specializing, they diversify. Instead of standardizing, they individualize. And instead of consolidating, they form interdependent relationships."
Or this:
"Relationship markets are built on personal connectedness, and such connections are far easier to establish and maintain where farmers, processors, retailers, and customers all live in geographic proximity. And it will be far easier to meet the diverse needs and preferences of consumers with a network of interdependent decision-makers rather than with some grand global scheme of corporate central planning."
Hmmm... There are just way too many similarities here!
Now I'm not advocating trying to save the world by community action without God, but I'm also saying we can't have community God without doing something about where we are and how we live as consumers of resources. I really, really think they go hand-in-hand. Respect for God, love for Him, implies that we are good stewards of what He's given us - not only of the people around us, but of the resources in our care. Cash, our house, our choices, our land. We can't preach community care without caring for what's in the community too.
But I think I'll get off my soapbox now. 'nuff said.
For years I've been interested in the increasing lack of community, "real" food, growing-up-in-nature childhoods and issues of sustainability. I've put a lot of research hours into learning how to live with minimum impact on resources, how to build and live sustainably, and how to raise my child to be healthy and happy. I've discovered the radical side of earth protection and the live-and-let-live side. There are hermits who shut themselves away in their own litttle paradises, and there are those who strive to make a difference where they are - sometimes developing things like city gardens, or training those around them in the knowledge they've found.
My other foot is in the emerging church camp. I've had a hunger for MORE in church, God, Christianity, living - for years now. And I've put a lot of research hours into reading, learning, absorbing - starting to sound similar to the above yet? As in the Green-ish camp, there's a radical side, and there's a live-and-let-live side. There are hermits who shut themselves away from anything to do with the past, and there are those who go out into the community they're in.
What an amazing number of similarities!
With a foot each side of the fence, it's hard to read an article about one without having flashbacks to the other.
Take this article, for example, which talks about how Americans are disconnecting from where their food comes from - a lot of kids are disgusted to find where milk comes from!:) In the same breath the article bemoans a lack of community, the closing down of community-based businesses (where everyone knows everyone) and take-over of the mega-business. There's no more personal relationship between producer and consumer, or a relationship of interaction. Sound familiar? Yup, no community in church, no-one knows you, the preacher talks at, not to, you and the mega-church has replaced the little country one.
The article goes on to talk about the self-abusive love of fast food. Fast-food-religion too perhaps? Go once a week, pay for your hour, go home. Not too good for you, but it tastes ok and it's easier than slaving in the kitchen to get at the good stuff.
Consider this paragraph from an emerging church point of view:
"In general, sustainable farmers succeed by focusing on the weaknesses of industrial systems of food and farming. Instead of specializing, they diversify. Instead of standardizing, they individualize. And instead of consolidating, they form interdependent relationships."
Or this:
"Relationship markets are built on personal connectedness, and such connections are far easier to establish and maintain where farmers, processors, retailers, and customers all live in geographic proximity. And it will be far easier to meet the diverse needs and preferences of consumers with a network of interdependent decision-makers rather than with some grand global scheme of corporate central planning."
Hmmm... There are just way too many similarities here!
Now I'm not advocating trying to save the world by community action without God, but I'm also saying we can't have community God without doing something about where we are and how we live as consumers of resources. I really, really think they go hand-in-hand. Respect for God, love for Him, implies that we are good stewards of what He's given us - not only of the people around us, but of the resources in our care. Cash, our house, our choices, our land. We can't preach community care without caring for what's in the community too.
But I think I'll get off my soapbox now. 'nuff said.
No Go
Just had a call from Australia and I didn't get the job. BUT they are applying my application toward a position in Student Services that will be opening up shortly.
In a way I'm relieved - to pack up and leave with 2 week's notice is a bit on the hectic side, especially when I still have to find homes for the dogs. Now I have a bit more time to sort things out and find direction, to do that little bit of travel around here with a camera in hand that we've been wanting to. (We're doing a trip to Franschhoek this weekend, but without a digital camera handy I won't be able to share what we see in visual format via my blog. I'll be hauling my old Minolta and its case of near/far lenses around.)
We're going to Australia on a migration visa, job or not, and at the moment I'd like to try my hand at being self-employed. I have a lot of really good business ideas, most of which can be started with very little capital outlay, and could become pretty successful, employing a few folk who would need it.
Funny thing is, the day I was interviewed, so were my best friend and her mom. And at exactly the same time I got my call from Australia, they had the same, also telling them they weren't successful in their applications! Geez....what a co-incidence! :)
In a way I'm relieved - to pack up and leave with 2 week's notice is a bit on the hectic side, especially when I still have to find homes for the dogs. Now I have a bit more time to sort things out and find direction, to do that little bit of travel around here with a camera in hand that we've been wanting to. (We're doing a trip to Franschhoek this weekend, but without a digital camera handy I won't be able to share what we see in visual format via my blog. I'll be hauling my old Minolta and its case of near/far lenses around.)
We're going to Australia on a migration visa, job or not, and at the moment I'd like to try my hand at being self-employed. I have a lot of really good business ideas, most of which can be started with very little capital outlay, and could become pretty successful, employing a few folk who would need it.
Funny thing is, the day I was interviewed, so were my best friend and her mom. And at exactly the same time I got my call from Australia, they had the same, also telling them they weren't successful in their applications! Geez....what a co-incidence! :)
Today
Today's the type of day where I sit and wish I were doing something else. It's probably 'cos there's a lull after a month or more of continuous rushing.
Today I wish I were home cooking up new delicious things that my son would love to come home to (even though there might be VEGGIES in them!). Today I would love to be lying in the shade of a grove of trees, pondering the sunlight through green, watching clouds and examining the minute life in the grass. Today I would like to take an undisturbed afternoon nap - unwoken by the neighbours, the dogs, the child or the TV. Today I'd like to have time to read, meditate on and absorb some of the excellent stuff I've found online this week. Today I'd like to see in the morning or see out the day in peace and tranquility, sitting on my lawn with quiet heart and overflowing soul. Today I'd like to curl up with a bar of dark choc and a cup of good coffee, revelling in the moment. Today I wish I could rediscover my artistic/poetic streak and create something of beauty.
But today I'm at work - a blessing that many wish they had, so I won't complain too loudly - with the sound of students, vacuum cleaners, colleagues and vehicles all around. The only world I can escape to is that in my computer screen. The meals I'll cook will be done-in-a-hurry, all-in-one-pot variations on stuff my son will eat. The nature-shot I'll get is as I walk home, or a brief time in my garden after work. My nap will be a night's rest. My coffee-break consists of a hurried cup of green tea. The creative stuff is limited to redesigning a website. And most of what I'll read will be quickly-scanned emails.
Life goes on...
Today I wish I were home cooking up new delicious things that my son would love to come home to (even though there might be VEGGIES in them!). Today I would love to be lying in the shade of a grove of trees, pondering the sunlight through green, watching clouds and examining the minute life in the grass. Today I would like to take an undisturbed afternoon nap - unwoken by the neighbours, the dogs, the child or the TV. Today I'd like to have time to read, meditate on and absorb some of the excellent stuff I've found online this week. Today I'd like to see in the morning or see out the day in peace and tranquility, sitting on my lawn with quiet heart and overflowing soul. Today I'd like to curl up with a bar of dark choc and a cup of good coffee, revelling in the moment. Today I wish I could rediscover my artistic/poetic streak and create something of beauty.
But today I'm at work - a blessing that many wish they had, so I won't complain too loudly - with the sound of students, vacuum cleaners, colleagues and vehicles all around. The only world I can escape to is that in my computer screen. The meals I'll cook will be done-in-a-hurry, all-in-one-pot variations on stuff my son will eat. The nature-shot I'll get is as I walk home, or a brief time in my garden after work. My nap will be a night's rest. My coffee-break consists of a hurried cup of green tea. The creative stuff is limited to redesigning a website. And most of what I'll read will be quickly-scanned emails.
Life goes on...
Of Tithing
I've been pretty slack in tithing over the past 2 years - ever since I did a church-swap. My previous church supplied nice little tithe envelopes, you could fill out a list of what was what inside, seal it and stick it in the offering dish. Current church has no such thing, and I haven't yet found out how to pay the tithe while making a distinction from plain old offering, or what the tithe is used for. Previous church it went into a central "coffer" and was used in part to pay pastor's salaries via the central church administration office. Current church is a pretty rich one - do they even need my little tithe?
I do think tithing is important - giving a part of what you have back to the God that gave it to you in the first place, as acknowledgement of His blessings. I heard once that you should financially support the leaders where you are spiritually fed - as in the old Temple model of the priests getting the tithes of food and drink.
But I've been rethinking how it should be done recently. Perhaps it's part of this being a 100% Christian thing, as blogged about yesterday.
I want to give it to be used as a direct blessing, to make a difference to those who need it. So I've been thinking - how could I do that? Should I bypass the church administration and give privately? I know folk who use it to help needy families instead of giving to the church, or similar. (Of course the church is not necessarily happy, as it's less cash in their accounts....)
The major thought that keeps popping up is to give to a nearby little church, recently built, in a VERY poor area (known in South Africa as a sqatter camp, or informal settlement). The building was funded by the Baptist church I serve in, but it's a day-to-day struggle for them to function and survive. They don't have a lot of offering to give, and that's the pastor's only means of support. The building is a mere shell - cement-block walls, tin roof, benches inside, bare floor.
Now I know I could give my tithe to help the pastor cope, but I'd really like to use it toward giving them the basics for communion - those little glasses, wooden trays with holes to hold the glasses, and serving dishes for the bread. My neighbour does woodwork, and I want to ask him to make the trays, but in the meantime I'm going on a communion-equipment hunt. I have no idea where to start, if there's a General Supplier of All Things Churchy who hands out the glasses, or if I should just go find something similar in the tot-size glass section at the nearest store.
I also have an image of perhaps painting a mural on the inside front wall of the church - inspirational images, culturally relevant to the group that worships there - maybe.....
Perhaps they have other more pressing needs that I need to go dig up.
All I know is that this year tithe will be given, and that it has to be done as more than a mere cash donation to the nearest church. It's got to really MEAN something this time around.
I do think tithing is important - giving a part of what you have back to the God that gave it to you in the first place, as acknowledgement of His blessings. I heard once that you should financially support the leaders where you are spiritually fed - as in the old Temple model of the priests getting the tithes of food and drink.
But I've been rethinking how it should be done recently. Perhaps it's part of this being a 100% Christian thing, as blogged about yesterday.
I want to give it to be used as a direct blessing, to make a difference to those who need it. So I've been thinking - how could I do that? Should I bypass the church administration and give privately? I know folk who use it to help needy families instead of giving to the church, or similar. (Of course the church is not necessarily happy, as it's less cash in their accounts....)
The major thought that keeps popping up is to give to a nearby little church, recently built, in a VERY poor area (known in South Africa as a sqatter camp, or informal settlement). The building was funded by the Baptist church I serve in, but it's a day-to-day struggle for them to function and survive. They don't have a lot of offering to give, and that's the pastor's only means of support. The building is a mere shell - cement-block walls, tin roof, benches inside, bare floor.
Now I know I could give my tithe to help the pastor cope, but I'd really like to use it toward giving them the basics for communion - those little glasses, wooden trays with holes to hold the glasses, and serving dishes for the bread. My neighbour does woodwork, and I want to ask him to make the trays, but in the meantime I'm going on a communion-equipment hunt. I have no idea where to start, if there's a General Supplier of All Things Churchy who hands out the glasses, or if I should just go find something similar in the tot-size glass section at the nearest store.
I also have an image of perhaps painting a mural on the inside front wall of the church - inspirational images, culturally relevant to the group that worships there - maybe.....
Perhaps they have other more pressing needs that I need to go dig up.
All I know is that this year tithe will be given, and that it has to be done as more than a mere cash donation to the nearest church. It's got to really MEAN something this time around.
Following Jesus
This article at Relevant Magazine hit me right between the eyes yesterday. Entitled "Nobody Follows Jesus (so why should you?)", it talks about the TRUE cost of following Him. It's pretty scary stuff to us complacent types, calling for a radical rethink of the practicalities of following Jesus.
I'm going to be sharing it with the staff here when I'm on worship duty on Friday (we usually share a 5-minute devotion or reading, then have a prayer before we start our working day). I hope at least a little sinks in, both to their minds and mine. Putting it into practice could mean HUGE changes around here - but I suspect we're all in a pretty comfy rut and it would take a lot to change that.
I'm going to be sharing it with the staff here when I'm on worship duty on Friday (we usually share a 5-minute devotion or reading, then have a prayer before we start our working day). I hope at least a little sinks in, both to their minds and mine. Putting it into practice could mean HUGE changes around here - but I suspect we're all in a pretty comfy rut and it would take a lot to change that.
Sieze the moment, seize the day
Luke 9:62 - Jesus replied, "No one who puts his hand to the plough and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God."
This was last night's sermon text. The theme was committment - reflected in both the worship and the sermon, though unplanned. Amazing how this happens time and time again.
The text tells how hard it is to plough a straight furrow if you're constantly looking backward. In the Christian life this could be looking to the things of the world, one foot in the world and one as a Christian, but neither here nor there. The pastor talked on the "someday" follower - I hear you, but not right now. There was the "too comfortable" follower - it's too hard to step out of this nice comfy place I'm in. And of course there was the 100% follower - here, now, completely committed to extreme Christianity. He illustrated his point with a clip from the movie "XXX" - the bit where Vin Diesel drives (not-)his car off the bridge. It demonstrated taking the plunge - no turning back, committed to extreme life, life at the max.
This entire weekend I've noticed a trend in my thoughts, readings and spiritual absorptions. I guess it's God trying to tell me something. First came an article on Taize - meditative retreat "en mass". Then thoughts on contemplative prayer, courtesy Waving/Drowning's link to this blog post. Then a sermon on living a 100% committed, extreme Christian life.
I started thinking - am I really a 100% committed Christian, or am I just living a "surface" life, you know, doing the good things, saying the right stuff, reading the Bible, but not really going DEEP.
My prayers seem to rush around, my mind gets sidetracked. I never have time or peace enough to meditate fully on God and His Word. I go to church, but haven't "gotten into" the worship in a while. I'm not sure I ever truly have. I could go on and on, but it might depress me! :)
What would it TRULY take for me to be a 100% committed, radical, extreme Christian? COULD I be one or am I too comfortable in my lukewarm rut? How would I even begin to step out of that rut and become "hot"? What would my life look like if I were to take it to the max for God?
There are many, many things for me to think about, but this weekend I can say I've truly been challenged to think hard, look deep and make some big changes. I don't want to do life in the shallow end anymore. There isn't enough time left on this earth to waste dog-paddling there. I know what I'm looking for is in the deep end, but, like my son, I'm scared of not being able to feel the bottom. Most of it's probably in my head, this fear of jumping in without knowing what's down there.
My game-plan? Hard to say. A little at a time, a foot in the water, a developing of habit and space and dedicated time-blocks to go deep. A lot more thinking, a lot more digging, a lot more learning. Will I ever get it right? No, I don't think that's possible on this planet. But I think my feet are turned in the right direction to start the journey.
This was last night's sermon text. The theme was committment - reflected in both the worship and the sermon, though unplanned. Amazing how this happens time and time again.
The text tells how hard it is to plough a straight furrow if you're constantly looking backward. In the Christian life this could be looking to the things of the world, one foot in the world and one as a Christian, but neither here nor there. The pastor talked on the "someday" follower - I hear you, but not right now. There was the "too comfortable" follower - it's too hard to step out of this nice comfy place I'm in. And of course there was the 100% follower - here, now, completely committed to extreme Christianity. He illustrated his point with a clip from the movie "XXX" - the bit where Vin Diesel drives (not-)his car off the bridge. It demonstrated taking the plunge - no turning back, committed to extreme life, life at the max.
This entire weekend I've noticed a trend in my thoughts, readings and spiritual absorptions. I guess it's God trying to tell me something. First came an article on Taize - meditative retreat "en mass". Then thoughts on contemplative prayer, courtesy Waving/Drowning's link to this blog post. Then a sermon on living a 100% committed, extreme Christian life.
I started thinking - am I really a 100% committed Christian, or am I just living a "surface" life, you know, doing the good things, saying the right stuff, reading the Bible, but not really going DEEP.
My prayers seem to rush around, my mind gets sidetracked. I never have time or peace enough to meditate fully on God and His Word. I go to church, but haven't "gotten into" the worship in a while. I'm not sure I ever truly have. I could go on and on, but it might depress me! :)
What would it TRULY take for me to be a 100% committed, radical, extreme Christian? COULD I be one or am I too comfortable in my lukewarm rut? How would I even begin to step out of that rut and become "hot"? What would my life look like if I were to take it to the max for God?
There are many, many things for me to think about, but this weekend I can say I've truly been challenged to think hard, look deep and make some big changes. I don't want to do life in the shallow end anymore. There isn't enough time left on this earth to waste dog-paddling there. I know what I'm looking for is in the deep end, but, like my son, I'm scared of not being able to feel the bottom. Most of it's probably in my head, this fear of jumping in without knowing what's down there.
My game-plan? Hard to say. A little at a time, a foot in the water, a developing of habit and space and dedicated time-blocks to go deep. A lot more thinking, a lot more digging, a lot more learning. Will I ever get it right? No, I don't think that's possible on this planet. But I think my feet are turned in the right direction to start the journey.
Excuse me
Excuse me for being silent on the blog lately. Excuse me for having said not much of anything. But I was kicked out of my office while Hell froze over - I am now the proud owner of a soon-to-be-funtional airconditioner to cool The Hole!
For this to happen though, 18-inch walls were drilled through - a process taking nearly 4 hours, especially when it was discovered that a steel plate blocked the path of the drill! A mere inch to the left and it would have been avoided... Reverberations from the drill were something to hear! A physical sound-force hammering eardrums and brain. I don't know how the workers stand it without ear protection! Me, well I transported my phone, my chair and my student files out the door and reigned supreme from the foyer.
But I'm back now, and provided no-one drills through the networking cables, power supply or similar essentials, I shall soon fill up this space with my usual random thoughts!
For this to happen though, 18-inch walls were drilled through - a process taking nearly 4 hours, especially when it was discovered that a steel plate blocked the path of the drill! A mere inch to the left and it would have been avoided... Reverberations from the drill were something to hear! A physical sound-force hammering eardrums and brain. I don't know how the workers stand it without ear protection! Me, well I transported my phone, my chair and my student files out the door and reigned supreme from the foyer.
But I'm back now, and provided no-one drills through the networking cables, power supply or similar essentials, I shall soon fill up this space with my usual random thoughts!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
.jpg)
Posts
