Well, we met, and I said my say (with some heavy prompting from friend Cathy who has heard what's on my heart - I'm not usually one to speak up). I was amazed that most of what I said was totally agreed-upon, and yet frustrated by the narrow vision within organizational boundries that exists. It's still a matter of "baiting" a hook to draw people to church, instead of being Christ to people.
However, a lot of the intimate, experiential, different stuff I mentioned was well-discussed and we talked about practical implimentation of some of the ideas. We've cut down on a lot of the "performance" and are working on ways to make worship really Worship.
One thing I asked, but didn't get a response to, was "if we take away the songs, what is worship in our church?" Trying to get them to see that there's more, much more, to worship than singing a few songs in a particular order. I think a little of that sunk in, but not as much as I'd hoped.
We'll be meeting again in the new year to discuss more. I think there's a seed that's been planted. I hope it's not starved to death by an easier-to-do worship rut that we remain stuck in.
Another thought I've been having recently: as much as I'm worried about how church is "done", I think God is doing some major work in me within this organizational church - training, learning, getting used to working with people I differ from etc. Although I'd love to see more community-type-church involvement, I think God's using what I'm in now to prepare me for whatever plan He has for my future. I just need to be open enough to learn.
I decided to take the plunge on Saturday night and go to my old church's Christmas function. Typically, we all had to wait outside for half an hour or more while a Business Meeting concluded...
During our wait not a single person came up to talk to me. They stood in their holy huddles and chatted, while I sat off to the side, ignored and unwelcomed. Lovely. Perhaps they think "back-sliding" is contagious?
Once inside I managed to find some co-workers who were glad to see me and spent the rest of the evening in their company. One old friend asked where I'd been, he thought I'd already moved to Australia (but didn't bother to check). I had to lie and say "here and there" - I don't think he'd understand my journey at all, and it would take more than a few hours to explain even if he did.
My son had a ball - kids always do - running with the pack and exploring in the dark. Sometimes I wish us adults could connect as freely and without prejudice.
More and more, as I look at our traditional churches, especially in this area, I'm concerned by what goes on. Where's the Being Church that is the basis of it all? Where's the acceptance? Why do they still cling to traditions and narrow views, with no room for anything other than The Right Way (according to us) To Do Things? Where's the community, the love, the serving and giving?
I wish I could shake them until their eyeballs rattle, tell them to wake up to Real Christian Living. I wish they could find the freedom and peace I have. I wish they'd re-think what they're doing and not doing.
Instead, all I can do is live what I believe and hope it may light just one spark when next I come into contact with them.
I've always wanted to be one, and it seems I am!
Elvish
To which race of Middle Earth do you belong?
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Yesterday my son and I discovered an Australian Reality TV show that we both actually enjoyed. It's called The Block.
An apartment block is bought by the show's managers and 4 couples are given 11 weeks to renovate the identical units, which are then auctioned off. They keep all profits made above the estimated value, and also get a prize if their apartment goes for the highest price.
It was pretty funny to see these folk arrive in what is basically a really messy shell, and watch their reactions to having to find a cleanish place to sleep. Already there are some tensions and things appearing. One guy has the weirdest laugh I've ever heard!
My son and I are making bets on who will crumble first, who's going to get out of doing any work (the blonde air-head probably) and who will win.
As the show airs while we're doing our final worship prac at church, we'll be taping it for later viewing. Should be fun!
The show has apparently finished up in Australia, so we're way behind the times, but will treat it as "live" and not go look who won...
I guess you could call it our attempt to find out what we're getting into by moving to Australia - the REAL Aussies behind the well-known facade. It may just scare us out of our move! :)
I spent a few hours on Sabbath reading inspiring and challenging stuff, as I'd planned to. I learnt a lot, I found ideas I could connect with and some I couldn't.
I did some praying. I did some thinking. And then I tried to do some listening.
Last week the Bible study I did with my son was about learning to hear God's voice. He astounded me by coming up with something God had told him - a text he'd woken up with. That child constantly amazes me!
But in spite of all the study we did, I still find it really hard to hear God's voice. I can't seem to get my mind to stop running long enough for the "still small voice" to be heard above the bustle and busyness.
I tried to listen on Sabbath. I tried to hear what God wanted me to hear. But all was silent. It's hard to just listen when you're not used to it.
I think it's going to take a lot more practice to hear God's voice for myself. I hear Him speak through the words of others, through the ideas of others, but I want to hear Him just for me. I want to hear Him tell me what He wants me to know. I want that "word from God" that so many others seem to hear so clearly. I don't know how to hear yet, but it's something I'm going to be focusing and working on.
There's great excitement in the family. I'm FINALLY going to be an aunt!!! My sister-in-law is expecting her first child in June. She's already 3 months pregnant, but wanted to get to that landmark before telling the world.
They've been married for a few years already, but this was a little unexpected. They hadn't planned anything at this stage, but are both completely delighted at the thought of a child on the way.
My parents are too! (Their first legitimate grandchild... :) ). We're hoping they'll come out from Australia to meet the baby. And I'm also hoping now that our migration visa takes a good few months to be processed. This is one thing I don't want to miss!
I know they'll make great parents. My brother is going to be an excellent dad. Now we're just waiting to see if it's a boy or a girl. I'm voting girl...wonder if I'm right.
I got a bit of a shock at church last night. We had not planned on a big worship team, as the youth who make up most of the evening service are all on Summer Camp (joining another 1200 kids!!! WOW!). So we got a last-minute group of 4 together, with a quick practice before service planned.
Well, I turned up at church expecting to play the piano as usual - only to find I was on a keyboard, right out FRONT of the stage (instead of hiding behind the piano) and with a MICROPHONE! Now, I don't sing. Not if there are others listening. Sure I had to train the singers for a recent worship outreach programme, but I was nowhere near a mike....!
Slightly terrified, I had to make the best of it. The sound guys kept asking if I couldn't sing louder - but usually I can't sing and play at the same time, so it was taking some doing to concentrate on words, music and actually hitting the right notes. It's amazing how a mike can obscure most of the page of a music file, necessitating constant peering around the big blue sponge thing to see what you're playing/singing. Also, I have more a contralto voice than soprano - and those praise songs are usually written in Darlene-style (Hillsong) high notes!
Thankfully the church wasn't crowded, the congregation (hopefully) sang lounder than us, and I managed to multi-task without too bad a sound on either instrument or voice. Let the piano carry the instrumentation when it got too complicated. (Oh, the guy on the piano was also the preacher for the night - seems we were all multi-tasking!)
I've always wanted to lead worship, but I know I don't have the voice and have never been able to play and sing at the same time, which is how I'd probably do it. A while ago I told God "if You want me to lead worship, You'll have to get Richard to ask me. I'm going to say nothing, not offer to do it or anything. If You think I'm ready, You make it happen." Didn't think it would happen. But it seems God thinks otherwise. Looks like I'm on another unexpected learning curve.
Be careful what you wish for!!!
Decided to find out which colour I am, and here it is!
#E0FFFF |
Your dominant hues are green and blue. You're smart and you know it, and want to use your power to help people and relate to others. Even though you tend to battle with yourself, you solve other people's conflicts well. Your saturation level is very low - you have better things to do than jump headfirst into every little project. You make sure your actions are going to really accomplish something before you start because you hate wasting energy making everyone else think you're working. Your outlook on life is very bright. You are sunny and optimistic about life and others find it very encouraging, but remember to tone it down if you sense irritation. |
Yet again I'm really looking forward to a Sabbath rest. It's been a week in which we've been thrown out of our normal routine (rut?), with not much sleep and too many activities. We've stayed up later now that my son is on holiday, we've eaten way too much at a few restaurants. I've been up as the sun rises (5:30!) to care for a neighbour's pets, water the garden and (this morning) attempt to sew something new to wear.
So all I have planned for tomorrow is a day of absolute and complete rest. I have a few articles I'd like to read from TheOoze, Next-Wave, DTour and Koinonia, but they are pretty intense and could be too much of a brain-strain. I tend to only be able to "eat" one at a time thanks to their richness and flavour, mind-food supreme!
Good weather is predicted, and as long as the car lasts we might be able to spend the day outdoors. Last weekend it was an entire day in the Nature Reserve with family - awesome. This weekend it could be anywhere, even the wilds of my front yard!
But the MAIN thing it's going to be is rest - no worries, no heavy stuff, no stress, just rest. Just what I need.
It's funny - since I decided to try "be church" my attitude toward work and life seems to have changed.
I mentioned yesterday that a small bonus (as opposed to a substanial one) doesn't bother me as much as it seems to bother everyone else. But I've noticed other things that bother everyone else and leave me un-involved. I've stopped thinking about work in bad terms. I don't get upset over the office gossip or the back-biting or little nastinesses. I'm just happy that I'm employed, get a monthly amount of cash coming in and have a place to live. Everything else has stopped bugging me - water off a duck's back!
I've found myself wanting to smile, say thank you for little things, be nice to difficult people, to make a difference if I can in someone's day.
I seem to be looking at people with new eyes too. Looking deeper, as it were. Seeing the person under the facade. I've noticed a few things that haven't been apparent in all the years I've known some of the folk.
I seem to have a peace inside. It's like I'm teflon-coated.
Strange....
I'm starting to think that finding any "emerging" churches, especially here in South Africa, is similar to the Romans trying to seek out the Christian movement - you hear rumours, you know it's happening, but for the life of you, you just can't find them!
It's no use asking within known denominations. They just look at you funny and behind your back whisper "Back-slider alert! What's that woman on about?".
I guess our culture here is still very much traditional. We've always been a ramrod-stiff-back people, brought up in churches that have hard pews, hard-cover hymnals, and hard-line religion. We went forth into the land in ox-wagons, with dry-dust hearts and drought-lined faces. It's a heredity that's hard to move beyond.
Yes, there are those doing things differently, like the Soul Gardeners folk. And still in my area, house church, emerging church, alt.worship, they're all just whispers on the wind. They're an underground movement, only showing by cracks in the dehydrated earth above that there's activity somewhere below.
There are hearts ready, I can feel it. Hearts like my sister-in-law's, crying out for refreshing, reality, connection. Lone voices hearing echoes of others bouncing off the walls, groping in the dark toward the sound, but yet not quite connecting.
What will it take to let the underground workings emerge above the surface? A uniting voice, a public cry for more? A hunger that can no longer go unheeded? A falling-away until the sleeping saints wake up to the reality of only two or three gathering? Is a leader all it will take for an army to form? For leaping faith to manifest in reality? For microcosms to unite in a mighty body?
It seems the bosses are all already in holiday mode. Not only have we eaten out twice this week, but for the third day in a row are going home real early! Tuesday and today it's at 4, yesterday (for those who didn't leave at 11:30 to eat out and then go straight home) it was at 3.
Do you hear me complaining? Not a chance! It seems we've all had enough of the working year and will take any chance at a bit of a break. I used yesterday's to mow my lawn and sit outside admiring the view. I may use today's to go sew a new shirt for tomorrow, or perhaps I should rather wash the dishes.... :)
And today they finally decided to give us a small bonus this year, instead of the predicted nothing - it's been a tough financial year here. There are those who are moaning at such a pittance - not me! Anything extra is a blessing.
Here comes the holiday spirit! Yeeeehaaaaaw!!!
I'm on my church's worship committee (appointed with hesitation over "membership issues", as I'm not officially a member). On Friday afternoon we're meeting to discuss our vision for next year as a worship and creative arts team - drama and dance are being included soon.
In preparation for the meeting I've been asked to pray and think about where I see us headed next year. Trouble is, I've been thinking WAY outside the box and I really don't think what's in my head lines up with anyone else's vision!
After the last meeting I was really, really bothered by the thought that it's becoming more a performance than worship. We've even booked dates to do 4 worship performances next year! That we're stuck in a rut of "Hillsong" type worship - and perhaps try to imitate them unconciously instead of developing our own style for our own group. That worship needs serious re-definition in this church. And that we need to have more participation, more facilitation, less leading.
The current thinking of the worship leader is that we need to "take people from the marketplace into God's presence" through choice of songs, order of elements within what's defined as the "worship" section of the service and such. It's almost like we've put a ring through the folk's nose and are leading them unwilling where WE want to go, but not necessarily where THEY want to. That bugs me.
So I honestly don't know what I'm going to say at this meeting. Whether I should shoot my mouth off and go off on tangents, or just quietly sit there, and resign later. I'm getting more and more friction from the new guy and am not too sure I have a role to play in where this worship team is headed next year.
But I could be wrong. I'll go along and say one or two things, then see what happens.
Perhaps I'm there to throw spanners in the works and inject new thought patterns or ideas. Or I could, yet again, just be the Odd One Out.
Back in the Jurassic period when I was a kid in Zimbabwe, school holidays were very different from the way they work today. We had no TV. We only had our bikes, our friends and our imaginations - and freedom to roam.
We'd swim in the roadside ditches after a thunderstorm. We built forts and teepees and tree houses. We constructed secret tunnels in the elephant grass fields. We had picnics with edible wild plants. We made bike paths over fields and through ditches. We climbed gigantic granite boulders and explored the neighbourhood. We rode our bikes fast down the biggest hill we could find, or made the hour-long trip to the nearest big shop and back. We stopped off for ice-creams so large they melted before you got to the cone.
Our families had picnics and potlucks. We went to natural attractions like the river which flowed over smooth rocks, making a natural waterslide that ended in a lake. We went on bush-walks. We camped in the Vumba mountains, at Mana Pools on the Zambezi River, at Lake McIlwain. We travelled to our grandparents in South Africa and to friends around Zimbabwe.
We had secret groups and passwords and meeting places. We made what we didn't have - toys, hidey-holes, doll clothes, snacks from strange things such as salt and a rhubard-like garden plant.
We tracked animals, we ate marula fruit. We learned what birds lived where and how to run from buffalos or rhinos.
I wish my son's school holidays looked like mine...
It's Day One of my son's school holidays, and already he's bored. Last year my brother kindly lent him a Playstation, which kept him going all holiday, even though some of the games only functioned in black-and-white mode. I eventually had to tell him "get dressed and eat before you play, and when I get home after work it's my turn for the TV." I'd come home to find him still in his pyjamas at lunchtime!
This holiday there's no Playstation. There's only the great outdoors and his friend down the road. We've just been given a big box of sports equipment - tennis, basketball, soccer, frisbee etc stuff - so I'm trying to get him to go try some of that out with his friend. I also need to replace a tyre on his bike. And once they clean the campus pool there's always swimming (if he remembers how after the long winter!).
But I know I can look forward to regular calls and popping-in's to the office with the same old tune... I'm BORED!
Just for Luke, here's my chocolate mousse recipe:
Melt one large bar dark chocolate with a small packet (200g or so) of white marshmallows and half a tin of evaporated milk (Carnation or Ideal, depending where you are in the world). Whip the remaining milk until nice and frothy (it helps to chill it first). Mix the two together, put into your serving bowl and let it firm up in the fridge overnight.
You can decorate it with whipped cream and crumbled Peppermint Crisp before serving. You can also double this recipe, or triple it, depending on your chocolate cravings. Or add more chocolate, a nut-choc bar or similar etc. It's one of those throw-together things.
NOTE: The best bit is at the bottom of the dish, where the chocolate tends to settle in a rich layer. Make sure you're the last to be served and ask to lick the dish.
Random acts of kindness, done anon, are part of being church.
Getting your mind blown by concepts every day is not a good thing. You need nothing-days, time to reflect and apply or you might require a padded cell.
Be nice. Even if they're not. Their verson of Christianity should not determine yours.
Chocolate mousse comes in many forms. My mousse still beats most others hands-down.
There are some who are legalistic. They need this. You don't. But don't judge them for their opinion - just respect their view and be who you are.
Parents understand more than you think, no matter how old you are. Don't be scared to share what you're doing, even if you think they'll hate it.
There's nothing as beautiful as an early-morning dewy newly-opened rose.
Being a Christ-follower takes many forms. Each to his own. Don't be too quick to jump to conclusions about a disciple, simply because of where they are or what they say. Whose to say you're right and they're wrong anyway.
Some days wind is good. Some days aircon is better.
Never miss a chance to smile at someone. You never know what impact it could have on their life and yours.
Dogs are the best! Your family is never as happy to see you come home, get out of bed, go to the kitchen, put on your walking shoes or buy bones.
It's amazing who you have stuff in common with. High and mighty folks are just as human as the rest of us bottom-feeders.
Grass grows quicker than weeds in the summer. Freshly-mown grass smells better than freshly-pulled weeds.
If someone else feeds your son fruit as a meal he'll eat it and crave more. If you try to he won't.
There is always hope.
Life is uncertain. Eat chocolate now or you'll regret it for eternity (I don't think there's chocolate in heaven).
You can't rush God. Just wait, sit still and try not to kick your shoes against the chair. Good things are coming.
Veggies come before dessert. Learn your lessons while they're still warm, or you'll have to have them cold before you receive your reward.
We had our end-of-year staff function last night at a beachside hotel's conference centre. It was one of the best in years - everyone was very relaxed and had a great time. As usual we overate until we couldn't overeat anymore. I didn't even manage to touch dessert!
And today we get to do it all again for our department year-end function. Only this time I think I'm going to stick to a salad!:)
What's up with our fascination with other people's lives?
There are days I find myself watching strange things like Oprah, Dr Phil, Survivor, Big Brother... And I have to ask WHY?
What's missing in my life that I have to go look for in someone else's? Is it to make me feel better about my own problems? - "see, everyone else has HUGE ones, so mine are not bad". Or perhaps about my sins - "at least I'm not sleeping with my sister-in-law's father's ex..." Or perhaps about my house - "wow, look at America's ugliest room! Mine's better than that so I won't clean today or make an effort to create a welcoming home." Or about my body - "I'm not as fat as her, so who cares if I overeat again." Or about my religion - "at least I'm not trapped in a weird cult like them."
Maybe it's a way to live things that we normally wouldn't try because the consequences are just too scary. We'll let others take the fall and enjoy watching them do it.
Reality TV and talk shows are a pretty sad addiction! Yet I find myself cluttering up my head every now and then with stuff I really don't need to know, even when I don't want to.
And yet I have to wonder - what if they stuck a camera in my life for a day? What would the world see? In all likelihood I'd be just as bad as, if not worse than, those I observe on the box. I'd be caught out not walking what I talk. Those nasty habits would be out in the open. Dr Phil would have something to say I'm sure!
If I had a camera crew following me all over, recording every second of my day, what I do, how I say things, whether I am a good mom or not, would that make me change my ways? Would I "act good" just because I know someone's watching?
The Bible says all we do and say is written up in heaven. There's no way we can hide what's been noted there. One day it will be available for all to read!
Sobering thought.
Something I said earlier today has been bugging me. In the Sunday Brunch questions, I mentioned that my neighbours of 7 years have never been into my flat. That we don't really get along, and have nothing in common, just talk over the fence.
And yet, here I want to get a home-church-type group going, possibly with strangers, or casual acquaintances.
It seems I'm still way too stuck in my comfortable rut. If I can't ask my neighbours over, how can I meet with others who I might not be comfortable with? How will I truly get into community with people if I'm not practicing it now?
It's nice to hide in our little same-type groups, with people we can relate to and who share our views. But to step out of that and take chances, to really get to know those we pass each day - that's a whole other story!
So it seems I've got some work to do, some rethinking and relationship building. Right in my back yard.
(Hamo, could you use another "backyard" missionary? :) )
Tonight my son's school has their annual prize-giving awards ceremony. A long and drawn-out affair, as each child receives something, even if it's for being cheerful 'cos they couldn't find any other good points in the kid. Everyone from grade 1 to 7 gets called up by name, hand-shaken, presented, and stands in a row with the rest of their grade, after which we applaud and they sit down.
Then the special awards are handed out for those strange kids who gave themselves more work this year and wrote hard exams with non-this-school institutions. And if they did more than one, they get called up more than once.
Then it's the teacher's turns - awards for excellence, service, you name it.
Last year one of the grade 1's, who had been sitting for an hour and a half past his bedtime, kindly threw up in the front row, he was so tired. After which my mother and I suggested they do the evening like it's done at my mom's school - the lower grades get an early ceremony, the older grades get a seperate and later one.
Unfortunately it doesn't seem to have affected this year's schedule. So tonight we all get to sit through a really long and boring event, stifling yawns and clapping dutifully as our bums go numb on hard wooden chairs.
Can't you just hear our enthusiasm?
There's a major bright spot in my life - my garden. I love getting into it and doing stuff, or just checking out what's new and growing.
Yesterday we went to Superplants - a super nursery - and stocked up on well-rotted cow-smelling bags of goodness for my veggies and roses, with a few extra veg seeds and herbs.
As soon as I get home from work each day I dive straight into the garden and do a half-hour's relaxing and unwinding - pulling weeds in the lawn, watering, dead-heading or just wandering around measuring the things that have grown since yesterday, checking on what's flowering etc.
With tomatoes currently at 12 bucks a kilo, I'm relieved to see the first tomato flowers appearing. The plants have been well-manured and we're looking forward to 3 different varieties of tomatoes soon. My first zucchini is nearly ready for eating (my son does NOT rejoice). We're still enjoying a lot of other produce too. And all this from about 3x5m of land. Amazing what you can grow!
I'm not a conventional, everything-in-rows gardener. I like to chuck it all in together and see what happens. So far it's proved that a LOT can grow in a small space without problems - and that it keeps the weeds down too.
Call it farming practice, call it stress relief. At this time of year there's nowhere better to be than my garden. Bring it on, summer!
This weekend I was completely spiritually down-and-out. 2 weeks ago I had an incredible connection to God and now it seems the power's gone out and left me in the cold, shivering dark. I read, I study, I explore, and it's all just words - nothing's going in, it's skimming by as if my brain as been oil-coated.
I don't know why I have these mountainous highs and lows. I wish I could stay on an even keel, constant in my love and passion for God, feeling connected and hearing His voice.
Last night I reached a decided low. We had our final worship presentation up for the evening service and were there to practice early. The new pastor hijacked what has been my responsibility for months - he just completely took over and made me feel like an extra, unwanted leporous limb. And perhaps that just was the last straw. I started wondering what the heck I was doing there, feeling resentment and resolving not to get involved in the same way again. I felt pushed out and pushed down, lowered in usefulness to not only the worship team, but also to God. Like the ministry I feel He's called me to is just not what I can do, as if I'm a complete outsider.
I find myself disagreeing with the vision of the worship team - their drive to make the "presentation" perfect, to fill the blank spots with sound or movement and not allow silence, to be polished and perform, to practice everything to death and repeat a good programme until it dies an unnatural death. Where's the worship in all that? Where's God? Where's the leading of the Spirit? Has it all turned into a competition for greatness and better-than-the-next church?
My best friend got hold of me after the service to find out why I looked so down and p'd off. She reminded me that God doesn't think like men do, nor does He see what we do. She's right. I have to have a heart for worship, no matter what goes on. It's just jolly hard to do.
One redeeming thing last night was yet again the youth at this church. They're amazing! A call was made in response to our presentation, and the youth streamed down the aisles to kneel at the stage and talk to God. It wasn't a peer-pressure thing either - you could see that. I was on stage with the singers and just found myself trying to sing through tears as they kept coming and filling up the front.
I guess after 2 weeks in the dark of the canyon, the depths of the chasm, I was not only blown away by their response, but wanted to feel like that too. I wanted to be able to make the connection with God. I just don't know how to right now. I know He's there and He's close. I just can't feel Him and it's got me really down.
This, of course, hit close to home:
1. How many people and pets live in your home?
2 people, 3 dogs and a fish
2. Do you rent, own or live at home?
We rent by force (the rent comes off my salary without me ever seeing it, and could go up without me knowing about it - part of a tax-saving plan apparently), but are hoping to one day not only own, but build our own home ourselves (or "myself", as I don't think my son will do too much helping, though he has designed our front greenhouse area, which will be double-glass-walled into one side of the house. By the time we get our land, he'll be old enough to either be away at uni or have his own place).
3. How many rooms are in your house?
Well - 1 bedroom, but there are also a lounge-ish thingy, a kitchen and bathroom. My son gets the back of the lounge behind the couches as his room.
4. Is there enough room in your house to comfortably accommodate overnight guests?
Not really, but my parents stay over when out from Australia. They get my room, I get the couch.
5. How close do your neighbors live? Do you know them well and are they welcome in your home?
TOO close. The walls and ceilings are solid cement. You can hear the neighbours walking, dropping things, scraping chairs - even going to the loo! You get to sit in on arguments and their favourite (in one case "only") CD. They get to watch you in the garden from above, and see you tanning in your bikini or having coffee in your pyjamas on the verandah. After 7 years of this, I'm ready to live where I can't even SEE the neighbours, never mind hear them.
I know them reasonably well, but have never had them over. We tend to live in each other's pockets and talk over the fence - that's as far as it goes. I don't have much in common with any of them.
(Sorry Darren, to steal and adjust one of your lines! :) )
I've wanted to get a weekly gathering going for a very long time. The type of small house-church community group that so many others are invovled in. I have no experience in doing this at all, but I'm not sure I necessarily NEED to be "qualified" - correct me if I'm wrong, those of you who are already doing this!
I tried a Bible study group once with 2 friends, but they were both students and it petered out when they left for the holidays. We were also semi-at-sea with what to do and how to study. I think I've learnt a bit since then.
The main thing holding me back is space. I live in a small one-bedroom flat. My son's "room" is a space behind a couch and bookshelf, in the only large enough room to be called lounge. We also have a small kitchen, my room and a bathroom. I can fit a few folk in for a visit now and then, but not more than a few. There is a garden out front, but weather doesn't always allow us to enjoy it.
We have no diningroom - my son actually asked me what one was the other day! Poor deprived child...:) To share a meal would mean dishing up in my tiny kitchen and balancing your plate on your knees.
I find myself thinking that "one day" I'll be able to do it, when I have space to do it and when I feel I can keep it going. We're in the process of moving to Australia, so to begin something now would be useless.
Or would it? Perhaps it would start something good off that would continue when I left. It might just be I'm trying to find excuses not to put myself out there and do something different. I could be hiding behind the "but"s to keep from stepping out of my comfort zone and making a move. I don't know.
I think God's got this kind of gathering planned for me. I don't know when or how. I have a lot of thinking to do, a lot of soul-searching to find my motives for wanting to do this and for why I haven't already.
I think I'll do some deep thinking during my Sabbath hours. I might come up with an answer, or I might not. I may only find deep thoughts to be another step on the journey. But you never know...
What if there were no denominations. If the whole world believed the same. What if we whole-heartedly put into practice what we believed. What if we all followed God without question. What if we didn't argue doctrine. What if church all over the world was community, small groups gathered in homes, interconnected in widening circles to include your neighbour on the next continent. What if we all lived our lives completely and unwaveringly as God wanted us to. What if we never broke His rules or wanted to. What if we were unconcerned with possessions, money or always having the best or biggest. What if we gave freely, supported those in need, shared equally. What if politicians led the people without hidden agendas, without selfishness, without corruption or sticking it to the next bloke. What if morality took precedence over pleasure. What if we really loved our neighbour as we love ourselves. What would our world look like then?
1. Do you like to shop? Why or why not?
Yes, but not for clothes. I get depressed when what looks like it fits me actually won't. Mostly I just windowshop, get ideas and then go home and try make it myself, without a size label!:) Tend to windowshop for other things too, only buying essentials like food as needed.
2. What was the last thing you purchased?
2 month's worth of groceries.
3. Do you prefer shopping online or at an actual store? Why?
Actual store. Online is always in USDollars, and with an exchange rate of R7 to $1, it's a bit unreasonable. I do enjoy window-shopping on the net now and then, seeing what's out there just for the heck of it.
4. Did you get an allowance as a child? How much was it?
Yes, it was a tickie (half a cent), which in the 70s in Zimbabwe bought you a good few sweets and things! It did go up a bit. By high school in South Africa I was getting R20 a month, then R50 in college.
5. What was the last thing you regret purchasing?
A container of Dutch-style feta cheese that I was really looking forward to having, and which turned out to be very far gone - fizzy in fact! Never got around to returning it to the shop, or replacing it.
It's raining. Hard. The weatherlady said only partly-cloudy skies today, no rain. And yet I heard it creeping up the hill like an approaching train, and now it's here. Drenching people who didn't hear it coming. Making little dots on the window. Obscuring the sea. It's dark outside, like twilight. I can almost feel my garden stretching with pleasure as new life-forces seep down to it's feet. It's a good day to sleep late. I did. My son JUST made it to school as a result. It's a good thing I brought my umbrella.
Didi is a registered pure-bred gold schipperke, the colour of a golden fox, with foxy ears and a pointy foxy snout. He's totally alpha, and looks down on any male who gets into his path, preferably leaving them licking their wounded gums from a mouth-battle. He's also the most lovingest of dogs when he wants to be.
He's shy - he won't look you directly in the eye, but does a sorta sideways glance. His tail was taken from him when he was a mere puppy, and you need to look in his eyes to see if he's happy or not. Of course a wiggle-butt and "soft" ears at the down position also betray his happiness.
A year ago I nearly lost him to tick-bite fever. Although not a lap-dog, he was sick enough to lie in my arms, breathing with diffculty, as we rushed him to the vet. A blood transfusion, overnight stays and few thousand bucks later he pulled through. He hasn't stopped being grateful since.
He's also grateful that we saved his life 4 years ago. His previous owners had moved overseas, leaving him and his wife Spinney in the care of others, who didn't. He was so neglected that he developed a huge sore on his back, so bad that the vet had to knock him out to work on it. We contacted his previous owners who said "find a home by Monday or put them down." This was Friday. Not that they didn't care, but cared enough not to want them to suffer anymore. We'd already looked after Spinney overnight while Didi was the vet, and couldn't let her sweet gentle soul go, nor his. So they came to live with us - along with the fence that surrounded their yard - on Sunday morning first thing.
It was only recently we learnt he'd had some obedience training and knows "heel", "sit" and "down". He does it as if it's the biggest joke in the world, wriggling all over and playing around with his paws.
Didi turned 6 on Tuesday the 25th of November. Happy (belated) Birthday, your Royal Didi-ness! You're the best alpha dog ever! May you chase bees (crunchy flying honey-flavoured snacks with a bite), Christmas beetles (savoury crunchy flying snacks) and moles for many years to come.
This is the busiest week of the year at the college where I work. Graduation takes place on Saturday night, after a good few other ceremonies, dinners and stuff. Everyone's running around like a chicken without a head, and stress levels are through the roof.
And what am I doing? Well, besides trying to work, all I've done is go around offering a cup of real filter coffee to the health-freaks that usually don't touch it and who look like they could use it. So far, 100% success!!!! Hehehe... :)
Last night I again had one of those end-time trouble-is-coming dreams. Only this time it went on for a few hours of half-awake, half-asleep scary stuff. I didn't get much sleep at all and was glad when the dogs urged me up at first light.
On my journeyings through the Bible, I hit the last chapter of Daniel last night. It talks of a time of trouble such as has not happened from the beginning of the world, and then it says "But at that time...everyone whose name is written in the book will be delivered." I have my faith in God and want to be counted among this host. I just don't know why the time of trouble scheduled to happen before this has such an impact on my night-mind.
(For the record, I don't believe in the rapture, and I suspect some of the other things I believe differ from most. When I stepped out of my comfort zone a few years back, I was surprised at how beliefs vary regarding what will happen at the end. Perhaps one day I'll expound on my view - when I'm brave enough to face the comments that will result! :) )
I know of nothing that's triggered this sudden rush of dreams. Unless God's trying to tell me something....
Is this prophecy, a glimpse of what's knocking on the door and even now coming in, or just plain unexplained and unwarranted paranoia?
I see that Rodney has "kindly" reminded me that it's Thursday already in Australia - and that I said I'd be back on Thursday, so here I am! :)
I had a pretty good shop yesterday and got all my son's Christmas prezzies. Also did some investigating on prezzies for the in/out-laws (brothers, their wives and one set of wife parents). And found out that I can save a packet by doing some home-made goodies instead of buying the ready-packaged stuff.
What does my son get? Well, he's got the new "Bionicle Mask of Light" movie, a new big Bionicle (he's collecting and collecting....), one small Bionicle, a Bey-Blade and something else that completely escapes my blonde mind at this moment. Geez...coffee must be wearing off. Will also stock up his stocking with the usual dose of sugar-laden treats etc. The rellies (relatives, for those of you not within the confines of Australia) will probably provide yet more goodies for him. But before they do we'll be doing a sort-and-chuck of his toys to thin them out before they overflow the entire house.
The in/out-laws are getting home-prepared mixes in glass jars of foccaccia, muffins, my addictive brownies and health bread. The only store-bought stuff are a ceramic bowl for one pair, a serving platter for another, and pillar candles and holders for the parents.
We managed to get a load of groceries - and as usual I still didn't know what to make for supper, even with a full cupboard! Just can't believe how much food prices have increased - some have more than doubled in the last year. These days most of my salary goes to just keep us fed and we're not doing to great on affording fruit & veggies.... Fortunately my garden's been producing strawberries, spinach, fresh herbs and carrots. The lettuce, zucchini, tomatoes, onions and maize should be ripe soon. Or we could just eat grass....
So - that was my shopping experience. AND I got to stop off for coffee on my own in peace and quiet on the way round the mall.
Now it's back to the grindstone - have already spent most of the morning running and it promises to continue!
I'm going to be away for a day and a bit. I'm taking a day off to try get all my Christmas shopping done before the northerners come down to the coast for their holiday and block up the shops (we call it a Rock-slide, but you'd have to be South African to understand that one). Also going to do a double-month grocery shop so we survive until the end of January.
So leave a note if you wish, tell me what's on your heart or ask an arb question - it's open mike time until Thursday! See you then.
I've been having a recurring dream lately that leaves me a little scared...but let me start at the beginning.
I grew up with stories like Project Sonlight and tapes that were pretty scary, portraying the End Times of this world, having to run from authorities and being hunted down - perhaps you know the one I'm talking about, it was pretty popular in the late 70s. Part of my beliefs also included persecution for your faith in the End Times, a "time of trouble such as never seen before".
I've always been a little terrified of that Time of Trouble, scared that I won't make it through the testing and trying, that my faith isn't strong enough, and especially of my son having to suffer, or me having to see him suffer. I often wish I could just fast-forward past it to the Heaven-bits.
The campus I live on slopes up to the base of a mountain, and I'm right at the top, looking over the entire property. I can see the college gate and entrance-way from my front door. We're a nice little collection of Christians, conveniently all in once place with only one exit.
The dream I've been having is this: I am at the top of the hill, at my place, and see a large number of police cars and vans approaching the gate, lights on, sirens screaming. I just know they're here to get us. I can see them fanning out to cover the church in the lower campus, where everyone else is gathered (I seem to be bunking church yet again...), approaching the dormitories and cutting off all escape. I know there's a way out through the field behind my house, but it's not a way I can take my car. There are fences in the way, and only one road beyond that leads over the hill into wineland farms. So I start running, grabbing my son on the way and wondering what will happen to my three dogs - will they have enough food and water? How long will they have to survive without me until the end of the world? Months, weeks, days, or years? Where can I go - up the mountain?
You know how it is in these dreams. You run, but your feet seem stuck to the ground and no matter how much effort you put in you never seem to move faster than a sleepy snail.
I often wake up in a sweat from this dream, scared to open my eyes. I hear police sirens in the distance and think "they're coming for me".
I know I should have assurance that God will have His hand of protection over me and mine. I've tried to find peace between the chaos of end-time predictions. And yet I still get a cold clammy stab of fear every now and then and wonder "what if..."
(Apparently I'm not the only one having strange dreams or thinking about a potential loss of freedom.)
::update::
Discussion between 2 folk just outside my office a few minutes ago:
"You know, the signs are all around us that the Time has come and the world is going to end soon."
"Yes, I can see prophecy being fulfilled!"
"I'm so glad God has promised to take care of us through what the future holds."
"Yeah, me too. Amazing what promises He gives."
Wow....how relevant is that!:)
I ran out of filter coffee on Saturday. I thought I'd make it to Tuesday (payday) with the vile instant granule stuff we drink in hot milk as a dinner postscript. After all, I can stop drinking real coffee any time I want to, right? Right....
Wrong.
I've been half-asleep all day and one of those steady caffiene-free headaches is coming on. My co-workers look good enough to eat, if I can kill them first, and the day is draaagggginnnnggg by. It will be great if I make it to the 7pm news this evening, even better if I do so without kicking a dog.
My mom always moans at me about my coffee habit. But hey, I have very few pleasures OR vices in my life.... So DON'T TAKE MY COFFEE AWAY! Grrrrrrrr....
I think I'll survive until lunch at our payday restuarant (the Spur) tomorrow, where I'll have to down one of their awful cups of witch-brew. And right after that it's off to the nearest shop for a bag of the best!
I can hear the stomach-rumblings of the coffee machine already, smell the aroma of fresh-brewed drifting through the house, anticipate that first sip of piping-hot brown heaven. Bring it on!
Addicted? Nah....
I'm working on plans for my upcoming 5th birthday party (yeah, I'm advanced for my age...:) ). I figured 3+2=5, and as I'll be 32 shortly, a 5th birthday party it is!
I'm planning on including all the fun things that make a 5th party - cake, balloons, ice-cream and games. Of course the cake will come in varieties such as Double-Chocolate Orange Torte, Lemon Tea Cakes, Pavolva, Fruit Tarts, and many other lovelies - all homemade. Balloons stay balloons. Ice-cream involves fudge-ripple, cookie-dough and blueberry cheesecake, among others. Games, I'm still planning - any suggestions? Pin the wrinkle on the oldie, cellulite toss or blind-man-so-give-me-my-specs-please perhaps?
To balance it all out there will be fresh fruit and veg platters with dips, home-baked foccacia and breadsticks and some decidedly adult cheeses (who really liked stinky-foot cheese at age 5?).
I'm working on the invitations this week and I'm sure it's going to be an absolute blast! As it's planned for a public holiday, we've got the whole day to lie on brightly-coloured cushions under a white satin canopy and indulge.
OH YEAH!
The latest Cutting Edge is finally online. with info on Church Planting with a Vision for Children. It's well worth a read if you're involved in church planting, emerging church, or any other venture such as these.
A week or so ago I posted my frustrations about IExplorer's "do you want to debug" message that kept interrupting my internet experience.
This morning at staff worship one of the ladies prayed about the fact that we have "errors" and that got me thinking....(instead of listening to the rest of the prayer I'm afraid).
Imagine if you had a "runtime error, do you want to debug?" pop up every now and then when you strayed from the way you had committed to go with God. Perhaps like me you might try to debug your problem yourself - not knowing what the heck you're doing and making more of a mess than was there already, causing even more "do you want to debug"s to arise in an endless round of frustration and error.
Or, you could just switch off the option to try debug yourself and leave it in the hands of the Guy who designed your operating system. He knows what He's doing after all! You could then carry on walking the way you were called to go, and let Him deal with whatever pops-up.
I think I like that idea.
Lord - be in charge of my error messages today. I know I'll fall, I know I'll fail. Please take my errors and spiritual bugs and work on them with me and for me. Let me not be so distracted by my errors that I lose sight of where we're headed together, or lose the joy of the journey. Thank you Lord!
My son has never met his dad - I last saw the guy when I was 3 months pregnant. It's unlikely he ever will.
I've been struggling with thoughts of how my son will see God as a Father, when he has no earthly father to relate to. How can I show him what a father is really meant to be, when he hasn't experienced it for himself?
I would love for him to have a Dad to do stuff with that only boys and their fathers can. I can't do it as a mom. I know he's missing out on many things. His uncles have been there for him, but live far enough away to make contact occasional.
We've looking forward to being with my parents in Australia - my dad is a wonderful man who will be a great role model for my son, but he's not HIS father.
I have no solutions to this question. I don't know if male mentors can "take the place" of a father in a child's life. I don't know if he'll ever have a dad (if I will marry someday), and if he does, if it will be too late.
I think perhaps only God will be able to answer this one, in a way He has planned and that I have yet to see.
I managed to mangle my finger in the garden gate last night - one of those lovely metal ones with a draw-back thingy that catches unsuspecting bits of skin without warning. It's a good thing I'm not on piano duty this weekend! My finger is now the colour of my nail-polish - a lovely dark purple-red. At least it matches.
Yeah I know, you didn't need to know this, but hey, what else are blogs for!:)
Herewith this week's Friday Five!
1. List five things you'd like to accomplish by the end of the year.
a) Sort out my house - get rid of stuff that's been lying around for ages waiting for attention.
b) Get a nice tan - hey, it's summer here and I have holiday coming up, so there's a good chance I'll get that one done.
c) Get my will written up properly so if something happens to me my son will be well cared for and not become a ward of the state...
d) Create the garden I've wanted to for ages - whether we'll be moving to Australia soon or not. And get it done in time for my birthday party....
e) Sit down and plan for next year - how to serve, what to give, what our family vision should be and how to put it into practice.
2. List five people you've lost contact with that you'd like to hear from again.
Gary in Perth, Terry from Zimbabwe, Miko and Tania from the USA, Nerida in the USA
3. List five things you'd like to learn how to do.
Kite-surf, programme a computer, sky-dive, create art-works with pastels, build a house from scratch.
4. List five things you'd do if you won the lottery (no limit).
a) Retire (but I plan to do this anyway by age 40, whether I win the lotto or not - got it all planned out!)
b) Buy my farm and start building!
c) Travel all over the world
d) Adopt a child who needs love - or even a few of them
e) Build a church in a low-income housing area and outfit it with everything they'd need
5. List five things you do that help you relax.
a) Nightly long bath with a Reader's Digest Condensed Book (have a massive collection of them)
b) Garden, dig in the soil, or just sit and watch things grow
c) Breathe deeply
d) Look around me for something of beauty to ponder
e) Good cup of coffee or a decent dark chocolate
I wonder what these guys are smoking...
I'm thinking of creating a page on my website to hold my stories and memories, a place to record experiences I've had.
When my gran died, I couldn't help thinking of all the stories that died with her, things I'll never know now. Her short-term memory went in the last few years, but she would still remember walking to school on a dusty road with her sister Laura, the 2 cheetahs they had as pets, living with us in Rhodesia, then in Zimbabwe after her husband died. But she had to keep asking who I was.
My mother has taped bed-time stories about her pet galah (parrot) for my son, and is working on one with my dad that will immortalize their thoughts, feelings, experiences - and the cat.... In a way that's a time capsule of where they're at now and what they've done. Themselves recorded.
I can't help thinking that life is uncertain. This day could be my last, or I could live to be a hundred. I don't want my stories to go unknown. I want to be able to set them down for others to hear. I've shared a few of them with my son, but not enough.
Perhaps no-one will want to read them. Or they might. But I'm going to start working on recording all those images, sounds, smells and experiences in the meager words I possess, and then throw them into cyberspace before they're lost forever.
Last week while sitting at the beach surfer-ing (ogling surfers while my son bodyboarded) it occured to me that I should find myself a deserted beach, a very warm sea and an old surfboard and give it a try.
It would have to be a VERY deserted beach and VERY warm sea though. I don't think I would like it if folk watched me fall off my board all the time, cellulite flapping in the breeze and cozzie riding up the wrong places. I would much prefer going to learn somewhere first, then coming in half-decent to join other folk on the waves, cut in on boaties and steal waves from pimple-faced youngsters.
We'll see...it would be cool though if my son had a surfer mom and we could both take off for dawn, dusk and middle-of-the-working-week surfs. We might even get to chuck out the TV!
Hold on - belated thought... there's always loads of wind here in summer. I'm thinking kite-surfing...Hmmmmm.....
I'm the impatient sort. I'm an A-type personality - goal-orientated, more interested in "getting there" and setting a record doing so than interested in the journey, though I do enjoy the scenery now and then.
I'm the same when it comes to my spiritual journey. I want to know where I'm headed, what will happen on the way and when I'll get there. But unfortunately that kind of thing is rarely in God's plan!
I find myself like a kid on one of those kid-leash things, or a dog out on a walk perhaps. Rushing in one direction after something that takes your fancy, but then brought up short, so you try another direction, and get brought up short yet again. All the time you're gradually going the direction your Director is taking you.
I've had my mind blown and learnt so many things in the past year, and find myself wanting to try them all. I start off in the alt.worship direction, and God pulls me up short. I think about house-church, and again God puts the brakes on. I want to lead worship, but God says not yet. I've tried rushing here and there - and each time there's a tug on the leash to bring me back to what seems the exact same place. Yet subtley we're (God and me) heading toward where He's aiming us.
In spite of the millions of options, ideas and dreams pulling me here and there, I get the feeling God just wants me to wait. Just wait and let Him lead. Just wait and learn and listen. Just wait and let Him bring me to where He wants me.
I'm convinced He has lots of stuff He wants me to do. I can't wait to get at it. I'm champing at the bit! And yet He's holding me back. Keeping me where I'm at so I can learn and grow. Just making me wait to fulfil His purpose in my life.
It's hard, but I think I'm learning to wait.
From the Zimbabwe News:
Zimbabwe's annual rate of inflation, the highest in the world, soared to new levels, reaching 526 percent in October, according to figures issued on Tuesday by the state Central Statistical Office (CSO). Compared with prices a year ago, the cost of living went up 525,8 percent, against September's annual rate of 456 percent. Calculated on a monthly comparison of prices, inflation in the month to the end of October was 25,3 percent, the highest ever in a single month. The CSO said that the biggest contributors towards the sharp rise were increases of 1 179 percent for telephone charges, 983 percent for vehicle running costs, 952 percent for school textbooks and 913 percent for shoes.
And even if you can afford to buy what you need:
More than 100 leading trade unionists and civic leaders in Zimbabwe were arrested yesterday when riot police broke up groups countrywide who were peacefully demonstrating against Robert Mugabe's increasingly autocratic rule .... The "peaceful demonstration" was broken up by police with batons and dogs, she said. "They were forcing us to run by beating us so they could set the dogs on us," she asserted via cellphone from Bulawayo. "Many of us are badly wounded by baton sticks," she added.... "These arrests are proof of the charges by Zimbabwean civil society and others in the Commonwealth that there is no rule of law in Zimbabwe," said Tawanda Hondora, a lawyer, who was working to get the arrested unionists released yesterday. "There are gross human rights violations here. We are under a state of siege."
I lived in Zimbabwe for 12 years. I know the country, I know the people. And my heart bleeds for them. There is so little one can do - cash transfers are siezed, food parcels confiscated en route. I feel so helpless, there's nothing I can do for even one person.
My godparents are in Harare - I worry every day that they're not going to make it through this period of the country's history. They made it through the war, they saw friends killed, they saw friends leave. They're serving the church as missionaries, but I don't know how they're surviving.
Something has to happen, and soon. 11 million starving people depend on it.
I've been making up my Christmas wish-list. I can afford to be materialistic, as it's unlikely I'll have Santa drop any of these off:
Laptop, top-of-the-range, with wireless internet connection and all the bells and whistles. (Will settle for second-hand laptop that works and a really long phone extension).
DVD player, surround-sound system, massive flat-screen TV and endless supply of free DVDs. (Will settle for little-known-Japanese-model DVD player that works with my 1980s 51cm TV, and one good DVD).
Digital camera - insane quality, unlimited disk space etc. (Will settle for being able to afford to develop 4 rolls of film taken with my ancient Minolta that weighs a ton).
Honda Civic or similar small fast car with good fuel efficiency that can take me from Cape Town to Johannesburg without even thinking of problems. Or one of those funny-looking electric cars that supposedly take you there and back for R400, but cost R300,000 to start with. (Will settle for cash for a major service on my 1984 gold Ford Sierra 2.0 litre ship, fixing up the bits that need fixing, and enough cash to pay for petrol-stops there and back).
Sugar-daddy to pay for the above, and then disappear without asking me for all sorts of strange things in return. (Will settle for a small portion of the lotto winnings).
See - I don't need much!:)
I've got this sudden urge to paint something today - and I'm not talking walls and cupboards here.
I used to be the "arty-farty" type in high school, but somehow life caught up with me and it's been years since I took up pencils, paintbrushes, chalks and pastels. Come to think of it, I used to write poetry and short stories too..and that's also fallen by the wayside.
I have no idea what I want to paint, but I just have this urge to do so. I've got an image of sweeping strokes of colour - but have yet to step back and see what they form.
I'm only here at work briefly to finish off some urgent stuff before going home to climb into bed (still sick-ish). Perhaps bed-rest and a few paintbrushes will do me the world of good.
As a woman driver I thought I'd better answer these...:
1. The first car I ever drove was a...
Well, first attempt at driving was an ancient VW minibus. BUT the first car I owned and drove, my first love, was an old blue Mini with a sunroof and loads of rust. In winter water would collect in the fabric sunroof and stream down your neck when you turned left, mushrooms grew under the driver's seat. The boot/trunk was rusted through to the point of the spare balancing on a strut. To find out if we had petrol/gas in the tank we'd take a length of rubber hose and turn it around in the tank - if it "sploshed" we were OK, if it "clunked" we'd fill up. Kept losing the gears - the stick would come off in your hand in 4th and you'd have to make it home like that. I LOVED that car!:)
2. My dream car is...
Hmmm..one that goes? And stops when you want it to? I like the look of the Honda Prelude of a few years ago, with it's triangular back lights. But I don't have one particular favourite. Perhaps anything I look good in will do!:)
3. Can you drive a vehicle with a stick shift? If yes, how long did it take you to learn?
Yes, it's all I'll drive. I really don't like automatics - stick-shift comes naturally to me, took a few weeks to learn I think.
4. What is the fastest you have ever driven?
Ooohhhh....about 220km/hr...at 3 in the morning, on a winding highway, with the car's lights off....racing a friend! Geez. The things we do when we're young and stupid!
5. How many people you have crammed into a vehicle at one time?
We once got 8 people and their surf/body-boards into the Mini and went to the beach! The body-boards just about fitted in the boot/trunk, and the surfboards stuck out the sunroof. Boy, did it ride low....:)
Last week I tried to take 2 steps to being church. I've decided I need to practice those a bit before I try any more.
The "love people like they're God's child" thing is hard. I find I harbour grudges, hold on to prejudice, need to get past the images of people I've created.
Along with that comes the "one good thing" I want to do well for God. I can't do that until I love people unconditionally. If I judge them before I try to serve them, well, what use is that?
I need practice at loving. I need to get over those ugly things that keep me from seeing the beauty within each person. I need to get back to basics. Only then will I be able to serve.
It's been another of those WOW-weekends. So many blessings - so little blog-space. Let me highlight just two:
On Sabbath my son and I spent an entire hour studying the Bible and learning about God. He "let God turn the pages" of his Bible - the wind was blowing - and we stopped and studied wherever the wind blew us to. He'd tell God to slow down if we hadn't finished reading and the wind wanted to turn the next page...:) At the end of the Sabbath day he told me it had been a very good day, and that he'd really enjoyed doing God-stuff. WOW!
Sunday night we had our "famous musician" at church - Andre de Villiers, who has just spent 6 weeks touring churches in Australia / New Zealand, and is well-known in South Africa. It was a wonderful service, very relaxed. He may be famous, but he's very down-to-earth. Worship was awesome too. We came away with a signed CD of his latest music, with some very deep stuff on it - my son insisted we spend our last few cents until payday on it. His testimony was a real blessing - he's had rough times and good times, and his faith is an inspiration.
It was a good way to start the week.
My blog may be silent for a day or two. I had to go get my son from school this morning (his teacher said "his freckles were sticking out" - he was pale, shaky and wanting to hurl...). I might be coming down with it too. I had a rough weekend sleep-wise and there's a nagging headache, sore throat, the sneezes. I could do with a day off work to veg in bed...
But then again - this blog might NOT be silent - it's pretty hard for me to shut up! I might drag myself into the office just to say something!:)
Well, I did it! I challenged our staff to "be church" this morning at the staff worship! I nearly chickened out first though.... I don't get nervous standing up to read something written by someone else, but getting up to speak my mind and heart is something completely different!
I started out asking "when I say the word 'church' what's the first thing that comes to mind?" and then built on the fact that WE are church - it's not a building or a routine or having to dress up once a week. I used (with permission) a part of Karen's post from last week. I added in bits of what I perceive we can do to be church. And I left them with a challenge to find out for themselves what it means to be church.
I don't know if they forgot everything I said as soon as they left the room, or if something sunk in. But I've stuck my neck out and shared. The rest is up to them.
Fred got this writing assignment going earlier in the week (If you have yet to visit his site, go there! His photography is beautiful, words awesome). Here's my contribution:
WHERE I'M FROM
I am from Bic pen, from Pronutro and Marmite.
I am from gigantic avocado tree shading roof.
I am from dry dust bushveld, African thunder-heat summer.
I am from farm-trip for Christmas and freckles, from Garth and Little Gran and Burgoynes.
I am from the sleep-late and vegetarian-if-you-have-it.
From veggies come before dessert and if you can’t be a good example be a terrible warning.
I am from seventh-day Sabbath and seek-it-myself. I am from pastor’s brat and worship music.
I'm from East London and seafaring men, home-made gluten turkey and haystacks-for-lunch.
From the uncle John was killed a week before his wedding, the first grandchild, and the brother who we’ll all live off one day.
I am from a big box in the garage and the most prominent shelf, a back cupboard and silver picture-frames, email attachment and scanned slide.
I'm a complete and utter music addict. If I had a million bucks I'd probably go blow it on CDs and a big soundsystem - oh, and one for the car too!
I'm particularly a worship music addict - in the expansive sense of the word. I love live recordings, it almost feels like you're there.
It's amazing how big music is when it comes to worship. Music can divide a church or unite it. Music can be used to whip up a crowd into an ecstatic frenzy, or transfix them in silence. It can be used for good - or evil. It's one of the most hotly-debated subjects around.
But for me music is the best way I worship.
Very often you'll find me on a Friday night at the piano, with a CD playing loudly enough for me to play along with - yes, I do play by ear, not terribly good at reading music, but getting better slowly. I just sit and play and "let my fingers do the worshipping". I get lost in it. (Hope the neighbours don't mind...)
My mother is a conservative lady, and moving to a lively church in Australia was a culture shock. It's taken her 2 years there to lift her hands in praise to waist-level... :) And yet in her private time with God she uses music and movement in a "dance of adoration", expressing her thoughts and prayers to God through her physical movements. She would never do this in public! She's just not comfortable with it.
As a church worship musician, we practice 3 hours for every 1-hour worship at the service. One can get completely caught up in technicalities, in getting it right, and completely miss worshipping through the music. But when you leave out all presumptions of how good you are, how well the team is performing, (or not), it's amazing what happens.
A few weeks ago it was just me on piano, the drums and an acoustic guitar. In the middle of the worship it happened - the entire team felt it. We lost a sense of what we were doing, what came next. We were suddenly worshipping completely! We could feel God's presence so close, so real. And it wasn't only us - many folk in the congregation came up to us afterwards and said they felt it too.
Sometimes we get in the way of worship - we block what God's trying to do. Often we need to be more "broken", to realize fingers and voices can fail, to understand that we need to lean on God for direction in worship, let Him work through the gifts and talents He's given.
I've found that the times we seem to have not practiced enough, the times when I go onstage not entirely sure of what we're going to do when, THOSE are the times that God takes over, takes control and comes near.
Oh Lord, break me this weekend - let me be completely dependent on you. Let me not focus on the "famous musician" who will take our service sitting in the front row, let me not worry about how good or bad I am, the flow, the notes - let it be ALL ABOUT YOU!
Just for the heck of it....
1. Using one adjective, describe your current living space.
Miniscule
2. Using two adjectives, describe your current employer.
Conservative, approachable
3. Using three adjectives, describe your favorite hobby/pasttime.
Physical, rewarding, multi-sensory
4. Using four adjectives, describe your typical day.
Stop/start, rushed, gone
5. Using five adjectives, describe your ideal life.
Relaxed, rewarding, fulfilled, varied, experiential
Our staff members meet every morning for a short worship/devotional to start the working day. I'm on duty to take it Monday morning.
I'm thinking of taking my life in my hands and challenging them to "be church". All of them are conservative types, and think I'm weird and way-out for what I do and don't do when it comes to church and religion. I don't know what reaction I'm going to get, but I'm sure there will be some who will push me even further into the loony bin.
This weekend I'm going to think very carefully on how I can challenge them without pushing them too far - how I can speak without losing them - what I can say that they will be able to relate to, that's not outside of their understanding.
This morning one lady spoke on the huge difference between a family in the USA and Africa in terms of lifestyle, possessions, support system etc. Perhaps I'll use that as a jumping-off point to emphasize our need to be church in our community.
I so much want to share all the thoughts and journeys that are mulling around my head, but I know that would be pushing things a little too far. They're at a place far from where I am, and wouldn't understand - where I'm at has been a long journey with many stops on the way.
It's going to be hard to put into understandable language what I want to say, and I think I'll just make it a simple challenge to be church, to find out what that means to each individual, and to actually act on it.
Perhaps this is Step 3 of Being Church?
Today the temp is up above 30C - summer at last - and after work we're heading down to the beach! My son is really into bodyboarding, although he's missing a leash and flippers, and doesn't own a wetsuit. However, you'll find him in the water whether it's icy cold or boiling hot. (Perhaps I should put a leash and flippers on his Christmas list...)
So today, while the heat's on and the south-easter is still just a breeze, we're off to Surfer's Corner, Strand, to catch some waves!
The lost dog from yesterday has found a home. He was apparently left behind when his owners went back to China, in the care of a friend. Said friend dumped him on campus, but the lady who runs the cafeteria has taken him in. How folk can just dump a dependant animal is beyond me... Some are calling the dog a "she", but I'm sure I saw evidence otherwise!
Pastor Brian is still in hospital after his accident, and will be for a while yet. We gathered to pray for him on Friday night and a website has been set up to inform everyone of his progress. He has serious head, lung, neck etc injuries and it was touch-and-go for a while, but he seems to be slowly improving. He's off sedation now, but with a broken vertebra is pinned to prevent movement. He needs continued prayers. There's a long road ahead.
Real Live Preacher got me thinking this morning on doing one good thing, as did Aaron's post on Radical Congruency. (Amaizng how similar thoughts come up across the web on any given day!)
So... in my quest to be church today I am going to find one thing that I can do for another that may make a difference in their lives. I will try to do it anon, so that I will not receive credit, glory or back-slapping for a "good work" - only me and God will know about it. I'm not sure what form this one good thing will take today. But I will seek it out with God's help and do it without asking why.
There's an image in my mind of a house I've never seen.
It's a big old wooden double-story place with a large front porch. A short walk of steps leads to the front door. The kitchen is filled with sunlight streaming through jars of newly-made preserves on the windowsill, reflected on a warm golden-brown floor. There is a large living room with a fireplace and a 3-sided view. The house wraps itself without interruption around its heart.
A staircase rises inside the front door and through the middle of the house, leading to floors that creak when you walk and thunder when you run. Under the eaves cozy rooms nestle. Rain on the roof sounds like hail.
There is a massive tree in front of the house and an old tyre swing hangs from its ancient arms. Un-interfered-with grass ripples down to a little creek at the bottom of the garden. The sounds of children at play and a happy dog can be heard from its secret green curtains.
Beyond the house stands an old barn, the cows coming in for the evening, scattering chickens and a goose or two. An orchard hums with warm bees, sheltering green swathes of vegetation and field creatures. Fat juicy vegetables reside in plump soil beyond the kitchen window.
Far in the distance the horizon is ringed with wooded hills. No city lights pollute the night sky. Sounds of animals and a lone tractor carry across the still air forever.
Sometimes I think I catch glimpses of it. Perhaps this house is a merging of good memories. Maybe it's a vision of things to come. It might be just a dream.
I'm repeating what someone else blogged about (sorry, can't remember who or I'd link you!) - but it's amazing how you form an image of someone you meet online, and yet they can be so completely different in person.
There are those who conveniently include a picture of themselves on their blog - so you get a fair idea of what they look like. There are others who perhaps are wise not to.... :)
After 3 weeks in blogland I'm starting to recognize names across various sites and comments. We seem to move in the same circles. Personalities are being revealed and probably automatically shoved into appropriate boxes by my overworked brain. Same overworked brain conjures up a picture of an appropriate face to stick on the box too.
And yet, should I run into these familiar names on the street I don't think I'd recognize them. I might be very surprised by their in-person face, personality, mannerisms. I might not like them in real life, though I enjoy their company online.
Perhaps all these people I think I know are really just my computer generating words and random thoughts? Perhaps they don't even really exist!
Perhaps the thing we call the internet, the connections we make, is really just some huge big mega-whopper of a computer, programmed to produce online people that we get to know, fall in love with, battle against, quote or delete.
Perhaps I need to go get a cup of coffee.....
Dogs love me. Birds love me. (Most kids are OK with me.) I could do with more dogs and less people some days.
This morning a dog wandered into the office block. We'd seen him walking the middle of a road near here yesterday evening, on the way home from a bread-stop. Assumed he was near his home and just taking a walk. A very distinctive dog - ugly as hell, solid muscle, pure white with pig eyes and two black ears, slobbery mouth and waggy tail.
And today he turned up at the office. Some ran from him - these dogs are known for their strong bitey jaws and dislike of strangers, often attacking. Me - well, I just wandered up to him and gave him a head-scratch.
I found a container and water, and he drank deeply, depositing slobber like foamy waves on the water's surface as quickly as it disappeared down his throat. Later he leant against me for a back-scratch under the desk, eyes closed, relaxing as he got a bit of love.
I'm sure he's lost. He was very thirsty. He smelt leftover food in a dustbin and was interested. He must be hungry. He has no collar. And now he's gone his way.
Good luck, sweet dog. Find your home soon.
It's a quiet day today - yesterday I had perhaps too much to say, and today there's not much of anything. All the little one-liners I write down to blog about later are unappealing. I'm thinking no profound thoughts. I haven't had a radical experience nor have I found sudden inspiration. OK, to be fair, I HAVE posted comments on other folk's blogs here and there, but mine is languishing in silence.
I guess one needs days like this, or the head might explode. Mental down-time. Brain on idle. Electric impulses just buzzing quietly. It's just me and my echoing headspace today. And it's not a bad thing.
In my quest to be the church, today I'm going to treat everyone I come into contact with as a child of God, created and loved unconditionally by Him - and not for me to judge. I will not bow to gossip or back-biting, or encourage others to do so by what I say or do. Today I'm going to reflect as clearly as I can Jesus-love. It's probably going to be tough - old habits die hard - but today I'm going to try.
From Sunday Brunch:
1. How many hours of sleep do average per day/night?
I'm a sleep-addict. I need at least 8 hours a night, 10 if I can get them and afternoon naps on weekends. Without that much I start getting nasty to people....
2. Are you a bed or blanket hog?
I don't get a chance to be! If I try I'll get bitten.... Two of my dogs sleep on the bed with me, and take up most of it. I have to make do with a sliver on one side. I have to grab enough bedding as I get in, before they jump up. Any attempt at getting more of the blanket or bed and the growlies start up.
3. Are you a sleepwalker?
Heck, no! Since becoming a mom I'm a pretty light sleeper and would know if I went walkies.
4. Do you have recurring dreams?
There was one a while back in which a ghost featured. It was the kind of terrifying dream where I actually was too scared to wake up. It's been a while since I had that one. One I have often and enjoy is "swimming" in the air, the faster you swim the higher you fly! Oh, to be able to do that in real life...
5. Do you talk in your sleep?
Not usually. The ghost dream above had me waking up with a lost-voice hoarse kind of cry for "help, please help!", but as far as I know that's the only time I've talked. Dogs haven't said otherwise.
On Friday I received the latest issue of Cutting Edge, Vineyard's church-planting mag. I always look forward to the articles and insights - there's often a lot of food for thought, with some out-of-the-norm ways of looking at and doing things.
Well, this time the issue centres around planting churches with a vision for kids. It emphasizes how kids and youth are the church of TODAY, not TOMORROW, and how a church-planting vision needs to have a plan as to where kids and youth fit in - if they'll be catered for and how, what you envision their contribution and place to be.
So I want to pose this question to any church planters reading this. What are you doing for the kids in your new church? Have you included them in your plan or not? Do they have a place in your vision?
I have a chili plant in my office. It just recently moved in.
For 7 years it sat on my porch, just behind 2 love palms, and produced a few chilies, a couple of dark green leaves, and not much else. It got water, it got a bit of indirect sunlight, and was happy enough. It collected stray doghair and spiders, a couple of ants and not much attention.
A month ago I decided my office needed a bit of greenery and brought it from home to put in my office windowsill. After an initial peeping out of delicate green leaves, I was surprised one Monday to find it had sprouted new branches 15cm long, with flowers! Since then it has taken over completely. Now there are a number of lovely large chilies adorning it's branches, blushing delicately into robust red.
I added another chili plant recently - not only is it going mad and producing flowers, chilies and leaves, but the entire surface of the soil is now covered in newly-sprouted chili plants, heading upwards. This could be something from the Little Shop of Horrors soon...
My chili plant has clearly found the place it was meant to be. It's thriving, it's producing fruit, it grows more every day.
And I've found mine too.
Images that stand out from this past weekend:
My son cooking his favourite (only) recipe for BBQ Masala Beans, all on his own, as a contribution to a delicious meal.
A yellow-billed kite soaring and swooping low over me. Finally identifying a pair of huge birds as Jackal Buzzards, after a year of guessing and running for the bird book every time they appeared.
My son taking himself off to church, willingly and happily, making his own spiritual choices and being open to learn.
Close-ups of newly-mown lawn from a comfy spot flat out in the sun, surrounded by a couple of "dog-warmers" taking advantage of something softer than grass to sit on.
Fresh hot coffee overlooking the entire spread of False Bay in springtime.
My "little friend" (a female shrike) flying to within a metre of me for a drink from the garden hose, unafraid.
A sense of joyful worship, lifting the roof in exaltant song at our church worship team presentation. Harshest critic and two others I invited in attendance, and enjoying it.
Pitching a tent that's been in the garage for years - bringing back memories of camps on the Zambezi river and encounters with a pack of hyenas...
Lemon pudding, hot out the oven - heaven! Fresh from-scratch-bread, hot out the oven - heaven again!
Peace, quiet and a 3-hour uninterrupted nap. More heaven.
I would have posted earlier today, but am finding it hard to put into words the breakthrough I had this weekend, while enjoying my Sabbath rest and pondering life, God and all sorts of stuff.
It was a "religious", not a spiritual, breakthrough. Let me attempt to explain:
For a number of years I've been muddling in the mire of trying to figure out who and what I am in relation to church, denomination, God etc. I've had moments of light and signposts pointing me in the right direction, but have still felt trapped in a circle of doubt and deliberation.
I blogged recently on denomination vs Christianity, and I think I've finally found direction! It's probably not profound to many, but to me it seems like the sun's shining through.
I've been facing stiff opposition and judgemental attitudes from those who can't understand my church-hopping, experimentation and search. It's made me very uncomfortable to be around these folk, I have to see them every day and I dread it. I've also never really been absorbed into the church I attend regularly, because if I become a member there I may lose my job here - complicated...long story.
But this weekend it finally happened. God got it through my thick skull that I can be just a Christian, don't need a denominational identity, and can have a "worship home" (church I attend) without making that my belief home (I've been defining my own beliefs and they don't necessarily match up with a set denomination).
I've almost gotten past worrying what others think of my choices, and although their criticism may bother me, I think I'm OK with the fact that I'm different and that what I need is what I NEED, not what THEY NEED.
If folk want to talk behind my back or criticise me to my face I will try to explain my view, but if they can't see my vision, then it's not actually my problem. I don't have to worry about it nor do I have to let it get me down.
So this morning I approached the new week with a sense of peace and contentment, knowing that I can fully trust in God to define my future and lead me to where He wants me.
All I know is from now on I'm going to do what I believe God is calling me to, with His help, and let Him be my defining belief. I'm not going to let denominational expectations restrict or dictate what God wants me to do. I'm going to act what I believe and express what's inside me. I'm going to finally BE THE CHURCH!
First baby step taken. So, where do WE go from here, Lord? Are we there yet....?
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